Bringing Home Baby Dash!

Exciting Day!

2012-01-10T20:47:00.000-08:00

Last week we had a very big day in our household for Malachi! We received his Certificate of Citizenship in the mail! That was kind of the last big adoption piece of paperwork we needed to get. I was actually kind of surprised that we got it so fast, because when we sent the paperwork off in November, USCIS had just updated their wait times from 2 months to 11 months. Apparently they are still pretty close to 2 months in their northwest offices!

The very last piece of business we need to take care of is his legal name change on his social security card and changing the status from permanent resident to citizen with social security! Whew, the paperchase really IS almost over!

Saturday was also Ganna or Ethiopian Christmas. We had a fun day planned to celebrate but unfortunately Malachi wasn't feeling well so we had to stay home. But I am definitely thinking of fun ways to celebrate these special Ethiopian holidays in the future!

The Crisis in the Horn

2011-07-12T15:54:00.000-07:00

Over the past days and weeks I have been coming across more and more about the crisis in the Horn of Africa. As the situation continues to worsen, my heart continues to break over the humanitarian crisis. The horn of Africa will always hold a very special place in my heart and as I read the articles and watch the videos (as hard as it is) I can't help but think about how that could be Malachi, or that could be Malachi's biological family members. As Peter and I continue to read Radical by David Platt, I always think of how he says that it is easier to ignore the orphans until you actually look them in the eyes. Now, that I have been to Africa and have seen these people, I can't help but be moved to action. These videos REALLY TRULY ARE people - who are dying of starvation! Starvation that I can't even fathom!!!

Here are some links to few articles and video's about the crisis. The situation is truly dire! (Grab some kleenex!)

MSN Video

Yahoo Article

So of course my first reaction, is I must go back and scoop up those babies and bring them home :) That is what I wish I could do, but that is not the answer. Adoption definitely does have a time and a place, but this isn't what most of these children need. What they and their families need is food and ASAP! Even if adoption were the answer to this crisis, by the time the paperwork is done and the countries have processed the adoption - it would be too late.

So with adoption out of the question, and physically going over there and helping out too - what they really need is our money. Unfortunately that is the last thing that I want to give up, I am human, what can I say. But again, I am reminded of David Platt and how he reminds us that we will go before God someday and he will want to know what we did to help the starving and the poor and the orphan all around us. I don't want to die with thousands of dollars in the bank when it could have gone to help people in need.

The biggest challenge I see facing this, even though all the aid organizations are saying this is the largest humanitarian crisis in the world today, is that people are not recognizing the problem because it isn't broadcast in the news like the big natural disasters that get the money (Japan and Haiti Earthquakes to name a few). Most still remain unaware of this and so the funds aren't pouring in as they would for an immediate natural disaster.

So with that being said, I set out to find some organizations meeting the immediate need in the Horn of Africa. Organizations who are equipped and on the ground and ready to serve, if they had the final resources. The first thing I figured out was there are very few organizations (that I could find) that are even doing much of anything for this specific situation. But after I found the organizations that were, I decided I really should share them in case anyone else was moved to help out too:

So here is what I came up with:

Mana -

Mana works to feed young children with severe malnutrition. They give out packets of food (kind of like peanut butter in a ketchup container) and for most children, they see a huge recovery in about 6 weeks time. This stuff basically brings back children who are on the very brink of death by starvation.

Childcare Ministries -

We actually sponsor several children through this organization but you can also buy livestock for children in Africa. What I love about this organization is you can pick the specific country you want to have which animal. They have a lot of options for Ethiopia and a few more for the surrounding countries.

Unicef:

Unicef is one of the large organizations working on the emergency relief. They specifically are helping with nutrition, vaccinating children in the refuge camps so diseases don't break out, and working on sanitation and clean drinking water.

Oxfam -

They are doing some really cool things to help out with the crisis. Besides the big organization like Unicef, they were the one that stood out to me that is trying to do the most.

These are just a few organizations and I am SURE there are plenty more helping. If you are aware of any others please share them with me and I will add them to the list!

Malachi's Gotcha Day

2011-06-23T09:56:00.000-07:00

Alright, finally after a year of... well, taking care of babies - Our Gotcha Day Video. I hope you enjoy it!

Waiting.....

2011-06-03T14:22:00.000-07:00

This week alone, I have gotten an emails about 4 stork drops and 4 mother's who are due to give birth this month but have no one ready to give their children a home. If no one is willing to take in these babies, they will be born and go straight in to foster care. And the one that did my heart in, is hearing about 1 week old twins born in Uganda. Just 2 lbs each, fighting for their lives. If they survive (and boy am I praying they do!) they have no mom or dad to go home to - they are orphans. Their mother died and they were thrown into the garbage dump.

My friend Christie, who will be facilitating the adoption of these twins wrote this on facebook:

"In the hospital he (George, her husband) met a little boy who watched his father get bitten by a snake and then watched his body decompose. Then he went with the officer to see 70 orphans who have no living parents OR relatives to care for them. They just need love, a family, and an education. He also met 3 children who were dropped off at the hospital for treatment and after they were well, the parents abandoned them because they couldn't afford the bill. This is what we deal with daily in our village. But because each of those 70 children had such a horrific story, it broke George into a million pieces. We're supposed to be strong. But we're in over our heads here. We can't afford to even help one. But He can. And He will. Not sure of our role yet but He does. And He'll show us"

It is stuff like this that frustrates and breaks me to know end. This is life, real life out in this world. It so easy to become blind and try to ignore because it hurts so bad to be aware. We have a 13 month old and a 4 month old. Society tells me I am NUTS to even think about bringing another child into my home. But how do I turn my back on the great need for children to have loving mommies and daddies? I just can't do it. Every child deserves what my boys have - love, security, safety, comfort, food, and more love!

But for now, we must wait. I hate waiting. I hate this feeling of inactivity and longing and brokenness. So I press forward with my days and am doing what I can while I wait on God to tell us we can jump in again. Until that day comes, I refuse to sit idle and not do what I can, even if sometimes it feels like so little.

More?

2011-04-13T21:52:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I know it has been a loooong time since I posted on this blog. I have been keeping the world up to date on how life is with Malachi (and now his new baby brother) on the family blog. So if you haven't yet you MUST check out how our big boy (who turns 1 this week!) is doing! Go check it out - www.thekeyserfamily.blogspot.com

So what am I doing here?

Honestly, I really don't know. All I know is my heart is so full and I am so happy and loving my role as a new mother, but I still long for more and I wonder if my heart will ever be able to rest easy at night. And for whatever reason, I just don't feel like posting this stuff on the family blog, but felt I just needed to write it out here. So here I am. Spilling my heart to an audience that is probably gone (and maybe that is a good thing.) I have honestly edited this post several times in the last 24 hours and haven't gotten the courage to post it just yet. I don't know why.

For starters, my heart longs for Africa. Now, this is a totally new feeling for me as while we were actually IN Africa - I honestly did not enjoy it. I know a lot of that had to do with being 10 weeks pregnant and just not feeling very good. Plus trying to adjust and get to know the newest member of our family in a tiny hotel room where we were not allowed to go out in public with him at all was very hard. We didn't get to see much of Africa, but looking back now, what I did get to see and experience was truly incredible. The people were amazing and beautiful. The rich culture and heritage is something so unique and different. It is cliche to say, but for whatever reason, my heart is in Africa right now.

Life is truly great right now. Life is richer than I ever thought possible. I have a beautiful almost 1 year old son who makes my heart so happy. He is incredible and so perfect and life with him is what I wanted and so much more! I have another little double blessing that melts my heart and brings even more joy to our lives. Yes, at times life is very overwhelming, and there are times where I feel like I am going to explode in frustration as they both have needs that they want met immediately. But 95% of the time, I love my life and I love having these two little boys that make my life so rich.

So why do I walk around with a constant lump in my throat longing for more? I have it all! Two beautiful boys, and I really am not sure that I can handle much more than the two of them right now. But my heart is burdened, truly burdened in a way it has never been burdened before. I have thought long and hard about ways that we can support orphans and other adoptive families and while we have every intention to do so and have done so, it just doesn't feel like enough. When I close my eyes I can picture children left behind who are longing for a mommy and a daddy and how can I say no? How can I carry on with my life with the two boys who I have and learn to ignore the others that are still waiting? I think of Malachi, and imagine him still waiting and wonder how could I turn my back on him? If he were waiting, I would do whatever it takes to get him home and it wouldn't matter how strapped we were financially or how much paperwork the government wanted or if our house was full - we would find a way to get him home!

My heart is still in Congo. Peter's heart is still in Congo. Last summer we really thought we would be starting the adoption process to bring home a Congolese child, and yet God told us to take a step back and wait. So we did, and then God gave us our little Elias who we wouldn't trade for anything in this world. But still, Congo is on our minds and we wonder what God's plan is for us and this country? Are we to adopt from there? And we still, just wait and wonder as God remains silent right now.

So where are we? We could start the process right now to adopt from Congo. In fact I emailed the agency we were thinking of using for Congo this past week just to see if we do still qualify with two children and 1 income and we do. But I still feel the answer is no and to wait and I admit that I am somewhat relieved by that! But I still remain burdened and I just don't understand it. I either want to jump right in and work on fixing the problem or don't give me a burdened heart for something I can't fix!

But I think that is the whole point. No matter what I do, I can't fix the orphan crisis. There will always be children who need homes. I personally cannot even make a dent in the need. Even if I spent every last waking moment of my life working with orphans and adopting orphans, and giving everything I had to orphans - it wouldn't even make a tiny change in the crisis.

But I have to do something. If I can even make a difference for just a few children, then it does matter. So I sit here and wonder what the future holds. We are in a holding pattern right now and God is having us love and raise the two children he has already given us. But I can't help but pray and think about what God's plans are for us in the coming years. When I die someday, I want to be exhausted. I want to live with no regrets. When I see Jesus face to face I want to know that I have done everything I could. He has given me a passion for the orphans of this world for a reason and now I just wait for Him to tell me what the next step is.

Keeping Up With Malachi

2010-09-30T10:23:00.000-07:00

I know I still need to finish up our trip reports and I am getting around to that, but I am doing a much better job of updating our family blog right now as things are happening. Since the adoption is now over and our life as a family continues we are using our family blog to update on the day to day happenings with our little man. So head on over to www.thekeyserfamily.blogspot.com and follow us.

Malachi is growing so fast. It is both wonderful and a little sad :)

Day 4 - Embassy Time!

2010-09-17T16:09:00.000-07:00

Today we had to get up bright and early for the Embassy appointment. Our night went pretty smooth. Malachi was ready for bed by 7:00. He slept until 10:30 and ate about an ounce before falling back asleep. He then slept until 2:00 and ate a little more before waking up for good at 5:45. Overall I think that was a very good night!
We had to rush around this morning to get everything together and all 3 of us ready to leave for the Embassy at 7:40. We met all the other families downstairs and this was the first time that Malachi had been put in the Moby Wrap. I loved it as it took his heavy weight (all 17 lbs of lovin!) off of my shoulders and arms. He seemed to enjoy it too. We didn’t really have time to eat breakfast and we knew the trip would be bumpy so we were sure to pack a bunch of snacks for me :)

The drive was 45 minutes and we got a great glimpse of the city. It was amazing to see how many people they could cram into city buses – they were sardines in there and Wass said they can fit up to 100 people in one bus. We drove by the Presidential Palace, one of the few truly nice buildings that we saw in the city. We drove by the University of Addis Ababa and it wasn’t that nice but it was full of people. Two amusing things we drove by was a shop called Big Mac Café (we were surprised at how many of the building signs were in English) and the sign said Burgers, Tea, Coffee, Wedding Cakes. We thought that was a very funny combination. The other thing was this beautiful gated park with lots of nice play equipment and water fountains. There were several guards just sitting inside this beautiful gated park. The interesting thing was that it is never opened. Almaz said kids are never allowed to play in it, that it Is just for looks. It was so strange.

Spending the morning with Almaz was amazing. She is so smart and easy to talk to. She is funny and beautiful and loves all the kids so much. She calls Malachi chubby baby and said he Is overall content and doesn’t want to miss a thing.

Finally we arrived at the Embassy. Quickly we were ambushed by a group of young men. They didn’t ask for money or anything, they just asked how we were doing and said hi to the babies.

The Embassy recognized Almaz coming. We went through a metal detector which went off everytime one of us went through, but they didn’t stop us. We wondered if maybe they trusted us since we were American. Before we were allowed to go inside the Embassy we had to sit under a tent like thing and wait. There were probably 30-40 Ethiopians sitting under this tent and they were all watching us. Apparently we white people were quite entertaining.

We didn’t have to wait in line like all the Ethiopian people did. Before we knew it one by one we were called into the building. We were the last family called in and it was so ackward to have all the Ethiopian people just staring at us. We were very curious about what they thought of us. Were they okay with us being there to adopt or were they upset. Almaz finally motioned for us to go in. We had to show our passports and then go through a real metal detector. They made sure we didn’t have any cell phones or camera’s on us and then put our bag through an ex-ray machine.

Almaz then led us through a door, by some bathrooms, outside and into another small building. This building was packed with people everywhere. This was the building the US processes all VISA’s in and once again there were probably another 40 Ethiopian people there. Almaz led us in and there was no room to sit or stand, so she led us into a little child play area and had us sit in there. We didn’t know if we would be required to wait for all these other people to go through or not. We did not. After about 20 minutes they called the first family from our group up. By this time there were other agencies with their adoptive families and babies there. Our friends were gone for about 5 minutes before returning with their son’s paperwork. All the other adoptive families cheered as the process was completely done for that family.

We were the 3rd family for our agency called up. We walked up some stairs and to window 9. We had an American man from St Lewis who we talked to. Almaz stands right beside us and we are able to call her in at anytime if we needed her. We had to raise our right hands and be sworn in. He then asked us what happened to the birthmother. He asked who found him and what the date was of that. Peter thought it was April 20th but we weren’t sure so we asked Almaz. She wasn’t sure either. He then asked us when we got our referral (May 4th). He said he just wanted an idea of how long the process took for us. He asked us if we met him before or after we passed court. He then reminded us that this is irrevocable and told us we were good to go. We then got a bunch of documents, including his birth certificate with our names on it! When we came back downstairs everyone congratulated us and clapped. The process was completely done!!!

Almaz felt so bad that she didn’t know his information. I told her I totally understood as she has so many babies in her care. She looked at Peter and told him that she was impressed that he knew all the dates. She told him he was the best dad:)

On our way back to our van, the boys were still standing there. They asked us how it went and congratulated us. So sweet.

We made our way back to the hotel and settled into our room. Malachi was sleeping when we came back but he woke up when I took him out of the moby. I am sure glad he did, because he had a bad poopy diaper that was almost up his back. Things got a little hairy from here. There was just a point where Malachi was looking around and then he just got this terrified look on his face and started wailing. This was the first time we had heard him cry like this. We have done enough education to know that babies process their grief and fear with crying. I personally think Malachi distracts himself by watching everyone and everything around him. Our hotel room was so quiet that he realized it was different and just lost it. I just cuddled him and held him while he screamed. It was heartbreaking.

After about 20 minutes I laid down on the bed and put him on my chest and he eventually stopped crying and fell asleep.

He slept for about 2 ½ hours then woke up and Peter took over since he had hardly touched Malachi all day. At this point I started feeling really sick. We have been unable to eat very much and with Malachi needing me today, I didn’t eat much of anything and I started feeling really sick. I slept for a few more hours while Peter tried to occupy Malachi. Malachi kept humming and moaning, but he made it through. Peter and I are just exhausted and ready to be home. It is so hard dealing with a new baby in a hotel room. The travel group has been a lifesaver. It feels so alienating being stuck in a hotel room with a new baby in a foreign country, but our moments out with the travel group have been so wonderful! I am so glad that we don't have to be here alone.

He ate a little better tonight. He is still only eating 2-3 ounces at a time and it is hard to get him to eat that much. I don’t know if it is because he is sick or stressed. I have been giving him baby Tylenol today and putting an herbal infant chest rub on him.

We gave him a bath and then endured another difficult crying streak. He cried for about another 20-30 minutes after his bath, but eventually gave in to sleep. Now it is bedtime. It was an exhausting day.

Day 3 - GOTCHA DAY!

2010-09-09T14:21:00.000-07:00

Gotcha Day was finally upon us. The day we had waited years for! The day we would meet our first child face to face. The day we had spent the last 13 months waiting for! It was so hard to wait and keep the faith that the day would come that our son would actually be in our arms. For all you battling through the adoption process - the day does come. There is a light at the end of the tunnel even if it is years away - if you continue to plug along through the continuous difficult days and keep the faith and listen to God, the day finally arrives where you are united forever with your child! It is incredible!!!

Gotcha Day:

We woke up at about 2:30 in the morning. It was really annoying but we just could not get back to sleep. Especially considering we had several more hours before Almaz would arrive to take us to our kids. We tried to go back to sleep around 4:40 but didn’t have any luck with that. So we got up around 6:00 and headed downstairs for breakfast. Peter was supposed to go with Johannes at 8:00 to get our luggage. I haven’t been feeling that great so I was going to stay back and get some rest before our appointment with Almaz at 1:30.

At about 8:20 we got a call from Johannes and he said our luggage didn’t arrive and that we would have to check again the next night. This was very frustrating as we were still waiting on out toiletries and were not looking that great. I gave in and called a family in our travel group. They had all been offering to loan us some stuff. I asked if we could borrow some toothpaste and shampoo. They came through for us and before I knew it I was off for the showers. The only thing I was still missing was deodorant. I was extremely frustrated to have to wait another day to have my stuff but nothing could ruin this day!

Around this time Johannes called and said that our luggage actually had arrived and that they were going to come over and get Peter and take him to get the luggage. So while I showered, Peter went back to the airport with Wass. Peter said he had a great time with Wass. Wass speaks good English. An interesting tidbit about the airport is that they require you to pay 3 birr (about 21 cents) in order to enter the airport. Peter asked Wass why that was, and he explained that if they didn’t charge, the homeless would just hang out there. On the way back, Peter said Wass took him around the city and showed him some stuff. Peter said he is extremely impressed with the beauty of the scenery around here. During the trip, Peter asked Wass if he knew who Segni was and Wass said “Oh yes, I know him very well, he got fat!” I got a huge kick out of this when Peter told me that. I was very excited to see just how chubby my baby really was!

When Peter got back we unpacked the tubs. I was so pleased to see that my deodorant had in fact been packed, just not in my carry on. I finally felt human again and all cleaned up! I was relieved to finally have all of Malachi’s stuff here and ready for him. While we were willing to borrow stuff from our friends,(and our friends were more than willing) it is much easier to have our stuff here.

By the time we got unpacked we had about 1 ½ hours left before Almaz was coming to the hotel. We just sat around and got things all ready for Malachi’s arrival back at the hotel. We also packed up the camera’s and made sure all the documents we would be going over were properly filled out. By this time we were both feeling pretty tired as we had been up since 2:30 in the morning. We knew the adrenaline would kick in soon.

Finally 1:30 came and it was time to head down to the lobby to meet Almaz. We were both excited and very nervous. It was time to meet our son! When Almaz arrived it was seriously like meeting the biggest celebrity in the world :) You hear so many amazing stories about this woman and she lives up to all of them. She is very beautiful, she works so incredibly hard for all the kids, she is very businesslike and yet has a great sense of humor. There is something special about her and she is like a magnet - you just want to be close to her and spend time with her. First she took us down into the conference room of the hotel. It was very clear from the beginning that she is an amazing woman! She runs a tight ship, but loves and works so hard for every child that comes through the doors of Hannah’s Hope. First we went through all of our paperwork for the Embassy appointment and she told us what we could expect to take place at the Embassy. Afterwards we gave her all the money to exchange for birr for the shopping trip and ordered our coffee. We then talked a little about the week ahead and what every day would look like. We were very anxious to get to Hannah’s Hope, but families kept asking her questions. We tried our hardest to wait patiently and finally it was time!

But first Almaz bought us all bottled water. We thought we were doing good to get 1.5 liter jugs for 2 US dollars. Almaz brought each of us huge cases (enough water for us to drink the entire rest of the week and make bottles with) for about 8 US dollars so I guess we weren’t getting such a good deal. We took the water back to our room and brought down the donation tubs. We then headed off to Hannah’s Hope. I really didn’t know what to think, but the horses standing in the middle of the freeway distracted me. Finally we turned onto a very bumpy dirt road between some houses and I knew were close. It still just didn't seem real. Malachi had no clue that he was moments away from his life changing forever. How would he react? Hannah’s Hope really is only about 5 minutes from the hotel. We arrived at the gates and it was surreal to know that my son was just inside those doors.

We pulled in and Almaz asked us all to step back and wait and give the family that was adopting the 5 and 7 year old girls time to meet their little ones. We all stood back and gave them time. It was wonderful to observe their Gotcha moment.

Soon after that, Almaz called for Segni’s parents to follow a special mother into the house. I was surprised that we were the first for the babies! We quickly followed the special mother. We took our shoes off at the door and she led us upstairs to the first door which to my surprise was a pink girl’s room. The special mother pointed to a Bumbo sitting on the floor and I noticed my son's hair right away! He was facing away from us watching the going on's of his special mother's. I walked right up to him and held his hand and he was looking at me. There were several other babies in the room and there were 2 other special mom’s in there. I picked him up and talked to him. There was a special mother over in the corner that was changing a baby’s diaper and she was talking to Segni.

Shortly after that, Almaz sent the next family up to meet their baby. He was in a crib right by the door sleeping. She instantly picked him up. Almaz told us to go back downstairs. There is a big baby playroom downstairs that was empty. I believe Almaz wanted all of us to kind of separate in different rooms so that our babies had to get to know us. We spent time down there walking with him. He was very talkative and kept humming to us and smiling. He did so good! I know he was a little apprehensive, but he was so brave. We noticed he was a pretty content little guy. He never really cried while we were there, when he didn’t like something, he would just moan a little bit.

After about 20 minutes the other families made their way downstairs. We all spent some time with our kids in that main room. We noticed all our babies have really raspy chests and coughs. It is winter here and it is a home with 50 children so it makes sense that they are all sick. The nanny’s brought in bottles for the babies and we noticed that they were only about 2 ounces and none of the babies were really complaining about being hungry. It seems like they feed the babies about 2 ounces every 2 hours. Segni didn’t want his at first, but he did eventually drink it all and fell asleep. Soon after that it was time to go.

They don’t want us to stay at Hannah’s Hope for too long. Just long enough for the babies to start getting comfortable with us and then they wanted us to go someplace unfamiliar with them (the hotel) so that we became the only familiar thing. I hope that makes sense. So off we went for the first night with our new little one's.

It was pouring outside and Malachi did not like the rain. It woke him up. That was okay though, because if the rain didn’t wake him up, the bumpy road for sure would have.

Once we got back to the hotel, we skyped with our families. He was in a good mood but was definitely starting to get tired. I got to change my first poopy diaper and then we gave him his first bath. He loved it! He was so happy and I kept telling him that I loved him and that kept making him smile and giggle. After the bath we put some organic infant chest rub on him to try to do something to help with his cough. We gave him a bottle, but we think his cold is making it hard for him to breathe which makes it hard for him to eat. He didn’t eat very much, but he finally fell asleep in Daddy’s arms. Now I am finishing up this blog post and will be off to bed. Peter and Malachi are already sound asleep in the bed. It is only a little after 7 but we are all tired and we have no idea what tonight has in store for us, so I think it is time for me to call it a night too.

Today has been the most incredible day! It is the start of life with our son and we are just overflowing with joy right now! This has been a long time coming, but it is done – our son is with his forever family and we feel very very blessed that we were chosen to be his parents.

Ethiopia Day 2

2010-09-08T12:43:00.000-07:00

As stated in my previous post, I was up around 3:00 in the morning. I got about 6 hours of sleep and will be getting more rest throughout the day. I just felt so gross that I had to get up and get a shower. Seriously, I am roughing it right now. With the loss of our luggage – I have no shampoo, no lotion, no razor, and most importantly and disturbing – no toothpaste. I considered packing a small tube in my carryon but we are lazy and didn’t want to deal with the liquid rules.

In my carryon I always pack my toothbrush, my hairbrush, make up, and deodorant. Now if you know me there are two things I am obsessed about – brushing my teeth and putting on deodorant. Well, guess what the one thing I forgot to pack was? Yup, my deodorant. I am still in disbelief that I don’t have it. No problem though, I will improvise and use Peter’s Seriously, this is me roughing it – hardcore. We still have to wait until late tonight or tomorrow to get our luggage and I am already dying to wash my hair. Side note: Deodorant was found when we eventually got our luggage - yay!

Seriously, nothing can bother me right now though. I am in the same city as my son! I could have come with the clothes on my back and nothing else and I would deal with it because I am getting my son!

I am still very tired. I was just able to get the internet to work for a little bit so I was able to update everyone at home that we made it! I listened to the call to prayer all morning. It went on for hours and hours this morning – starting at about 5:30 AM

There are several differences to our hotel and an American hotel. By Ethiopia standards this hotel is very very nice. In America, this hotel wouldn’t be a very nice hotel. I will not complain, because I feel very fortunate to be here and to have such amazing accommodations.

Our room is very big. We have a couch and a huge king size bed, which is very nice. I believe they will deliver up a crib tomorrow. Now Hannah’s Hope moved in January and there is one nice difference to this hotel that I am grateful for that the old hotel they stayed at did not have. This one you are allowed and able to flush toilet paper!

The only real drawbacks we have found are that smoking is allowed in the rooms, so there is a smoky smell in the air. We have also found a few little cockroaches crawling around in the bathroom at night, so I wear my shoes. The only other thing is that the walls are not very insulated so it can be difficult to rest during the day.

Another interesting difference is that 3 times a day a hotel staff member knocks on our door to check on us. That is part of their security process.

Peter was finally able to connect with someone from our agency about our missing luggage. He tried calling all of our staff contacts this morning and no one would answer the phone. Finally, right after we fell asleep for a nap Yohanne’s called us and he was in the hotel lobby. We have no idea how he knew or found out unless he saw someone from the hotel called him and he called the front desk to find out. He and Peter will drive over to the airport tomorrow morning at 8 and get our missing luggage.

Today has been very low key. I woke Peter up at 6:00. Breakfast starts at 6:30 and I have heard it is best to be there right away in the morning because the food is all hot and because once something is gone, they don’t restock it. Up to this point, we didn’t have any bottled water because we were too lazy to get it last night. So we were very thirsty. We ate some toast with peanut butter and a few pieces of french toast with jelly. They offered us some Ethiopian coffee, but since we wanted to sleep today Peter denied.

We were the only white people in the hotel this morning. The restaurant was full of Ethiopian people who were speaking Amharic. We definitely stand out and feel like outsiders. We agreed it will be very nice when our travel group arrives and we won’t feel so isolated. Everyone has been very kind to us, although we definitely have no idea what we are doing.

Today we slept a lot. We fell asleep around 10 AM and just made ourselves get up around 3 PM. If we were at home that would have been midnight to 5AM so it makes sense that we were tired. It was hard to sleep through all the noise in the halls. While we were napping the thunder storms and rain started and they are still going strong now. I am not a fan of thunder storms, but I am handling it pretty well. When it rains – it pours for hours!

We were able to connect with our friends – the Jackson’s tonight. They are adopting a 6 month old baby boy who has traveled this entire journey with our little guy.They came over and we visited for about an hour and then went to dinner together. At dinner we visited a lot and of course ate. It is a little stressful trying to find something to eat, especially given my current situation. I ordered lasagna and french fries in case the lasagna was no good. Peter ordered a ham and cheese sandwich with french fries. That was so much food! Seriously, I got a huge lasagna and a heaping plate of french fries. My food was all very good and I think it cost about 5 bucks including a coke! It was seriously so much food.

Peter’s food was pretty gross. It was some sort of weird spam like meat with huge pieces of cheese and veggies (which he removed because we have been told not to eat the veggies)We had a really fun evening with some great people! It is so nice to have a connection with someone here. The last day has been really boring and isolating. It will be really nice to have some support here while we get to know Malachi in the next few days.

At dinner we also met the other two couples here. One couple is adopting a 4 month old baby girl and the other couple is adopting 5 and 7 year old girls. We spent a lot of time visiting with the families. They have missionary friends here and they are getting a taxi to go to a church service tomorrow morning. We would be willing to go, but I am not sure if we will be able to go as we have to go get our luggage and finally get cleaned up and settled. If we went to church we wouldn’t have enough time to get cleaned up and unpacked before getting Malachi, but at the same time going to a local church would be such a great cultural experience. But I feel so yucky right now and really need a shower. Decisions, decisions.

Now we are just relaxing and preparing for tomorrow. Since we aren’t exactly sure how much time we will have tomorrow to get ready I am packing the diaper bag tonight and then we will probably get to bed soon.

It is unreal to think that Malachi will be with us in 24 hours. Tomorrow morning we will go get our luggage and then kill some time before heading off to Hannah’s Hope. I seriously cannot believe that tomorrow is our Gotcha Day! Tomorrow is the day I finally get to hold my son in my arms and kiss his cheeks. I hope he likes us :)

There is still work to be done.

2010-09-03T11:35:00.000-07:00

I promise I will post our trip report soon, but I have to get this out first:

Preparing for a trip to Africa was hard. From the multiple blogs I read and even our agency tried their best to prepare us for what we would see and experience in Africa. I really don't think there is a way to prepare yourself for Africa. In all honesty though, I was able to put aside what I saw while we were there. I was so distracted by things going on in my own life. What almost no one knew is that I was 10 weeks pregnant while in Africa. My huge fear of the flight had everything to do with my fear of getting sick while we were gone. The International travel clinic gave us lots of ideas of things to take to stay healthy while in country, none of which are safe while pregnant. I was terrified that I was going to get sick on the flights, and while there were some very very close calls, God was good and I never got sick. Fortunately without taking big doses of medications neither one of us got sick while in country (in fact I don't think anyone in our travel group got sick!) Because of this surprise pregnancy, we packed a ton of food to take with us and I pretty much lived on that stuff while we were in country.

Another reason I was able to block out what I saw, was because Almaz told us - we cannot save Ethiopia. We are not in Ethiopia to save the country, we are there because God called us to bring our child home from Ethiopia. Our job, while on this specific trip was to pick up our child and take them home. I was very focused on that while we were in country. My mission on this trip was to pick up and begin bonding with my son.

For whatever reason though, coming home, it has been hard to forget what I saw while in Ethiopia. While I was able to, in a way, block it all out while in country - the memories now linger in my mind.

Now don't get me wrong, what we saw of Ethiopia was beautiful! The country is gorgeous. The people are beautiful and genuinely polite and kind and happy. We American's are truly missing out! We have everything compared to what these people have, and yet we can not find true happiness. The people were happy and had real joy!

But the poverty is unlike anything I have ever seen before. I have been to Mexico and have seen poverty before. But while Mexico is very very poor by our standards, even in Mexico they live on in one month what some in Ethiopia live on in an entire year! The poverty was truly unreal.

I come home and am almost haunted by this knowledge. By American standards - our one income household is by no means rich. But I have so much compared to what so many in this world have. God is constantly reminding me "To whom much is given, much is expected" I have "much"!

I come home haunted and guilt stricken by our plans for our next Disneyland vacation. It isn't fair that we blow thousands a year on vacations when other's are starving around this world. How do I ever go back to the thinking I had before? Do I even want to go back?

This adoption drained me emotionally. While I feel so blessed to have Malachi in my arms now, it is still hard. We are still adjusting to life as a family. A part of me wants to say - we did what God asked of us, we love our little Malachi, but we never have to do this again! We can be done! But how do I do that? I have looked the orphan's left behind in the eye. I have seen their faces and they haunt me. And there are 147 MILLION in this world waiting for a mommy and a daddy. I have seen the precious toddlers for myself who just longed to touch us. As we walked into the room at the orphanage these little one's came running over just to touch us. I will never forget a precious little girl who grabbed on to Peter's leg and just wanted someone to touch her. I will never forget seeing around 20 little toddlers run at us with their arms up, just wanting us to hold them and hug them. How do I rock my little one's to sleep at night and turn my back on the one's left behind? How do I look around my house and ignore that there is still room for more? How do I ever "move on"? How do I forget what I have seen? Do I want to forget?

So I apologize that I have not finished my trip report yet. I have had every intention to, but I just cannot forget what I have seen and felt in the past 4 weeks. I am very much still processing what I saw and felt in Africa. I am still processing what God wants me to do about it. The need is so sooo great. The saddest part is that the majority of this world lives like what we saw in Africa, but we are so blessed here in America that we forget and just don't see it.

There is always work to be done. I know we will adopt again someday. Peter and I already feel God telling us that someday we will scoop up one (or two) of those toddler age kids and give them the love and personal attention they are longing for. But what do we do in the meantime? We are not in a position to adopt again right now or anytime soon for that matter (gonna have my hands full with 2 little one's who are going to be 10 months apart!).

The good news is there are many many opportunities to get involved and help - the need is so great. One such opportunity that we have gotten involved with is with Wiphan's project called Operation Silent Night - check it out here http://www.babeofmyheart.com/project-2-operation-silent-night/?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed:+BabeOfMyHeart+(Babe+of+My+Heart)

I totally do believe what everyone has told us. Africa steals your heart. Somehow, in some mystical way, it takes it and life cannot be the same again.

Ethiopia Day 1

2010-08-18T21:00:00.001-07:00

August 5th finally arrived. The day we would embark on the journey to our son! As everyone who reads this blog knows, I had been a bundle of nerves in the weeks leading up to this trip. I did not want to fly 30 some hours to Africa. But, I knew I had to and I finally came to the realization that this was not about me. It was about my son, who was waiting for his parents to come. I reminded myself of this many times on the plane :)

After not getting to bed until after midnight, 3:30 AM hit early. By 4:30 we were on our way to Peter's parents house where Peter's dad and brother would drive us in to the airport. I couldn't help but imagine how different our lives would be the next time we were home. I was filled with calmness and excitement by this point in time! There comes a point when you dread something for so long, that you just want to get it over with. I couldn't wait to get to my son, but it was just the means of getting to him that was hard for me.

Leg One: Portland to San Francisco

By the time we got to the airport around 5:00 the place was packed. Peter’s brother came in with us to help us get the 4 tubs all checked in. We made our way to the front of the line and the lady gave us our luggage tags but not our seat tickets. She also told us that they would be unable to print us our tickets for the final flight and that we would have to go to the main part of the Frankfurt airport and get those boarding passes. We knew this would be a huge problem and would cause us to miss that already tight connection. We were really expecting to miss that flight anyhow, so we would just have to go with the flow. At this point we still had no tickets in hand, but our luggage was all checked in. She told us to go stand in another line and that we would have to show our passports to get our tickets.

So off we went. We said goodbye to Peter’s brother and stood in the other line. A manager came over and was looking for some sort of tag. We didn’t have any sort of tag. She told us that she would figure it out and off she went with our passports. She got interrupted several times by unhappy travelers while she was working on our stuff, but finally she appeared with all of our boarding passes for all 3 legs of the journey. We were so relieved that she was able to print the tickets for our Frankfurt flight.

We made it through security and got a little something to eat. We were pretty calm and excited and in disbelief that the day was finally here! We were not thrilled that we still had a very long trip ahead of us.

After waiting about an hour, we were on the plane. We were thrilled to see that we got Exit Rows for this first leg. I had prayed that we would get good seats along the journey, hoping that would make the trip easier on me.

After a very uneventful 2 hour trip we were in San Francisco. We had a long 5 hours to kill in San Francisco. It was like we got started on our trip, only to not really get anywhere and wait. We walked quite a bit right away, trying to find somewhere to plug in the computer and get some internet working. We had our backpacks and 2 duffle bags full of stuff for Malachi and it was a pain to walk around with all that stuff. We finally got all plugged in and spent some time on the internet, got some food, and hung out. Before we knew it we had killed the time and it was time to board the big bird that would take us so much closer to our son

2nd Leg: San Francisco to Frankfurt (11 hour flight)

As it was time for our plane to board, apparently the computers were down. That meant they had to call someone and verify every person with a ticket on the flight. Needless to say, boarding took a pretty long time. We were concerned about our short 1 hour connection time in Frankfurt but knew at this point they would be able to make up any time lost.

We were thrilled once again to get great seats on the flight. We were in the bulkhead of Economy Plus which means we had extra legroom once again for this long leg. Peter and I did not have seats together but we were able to trade so that Peter could sit next to me!

Once again this flight was very uneventful. We spent a lot of time trying to sleep, but we are no good at sleeping on planes. For the most part, in between our dozing we watched all the onboard movies and tv shows. I had tried to mentally prepare myself for this long part of the trip. It was very long, but seriously not as painful as I expected it to be.

After about 11 hours we arrived in Frankfurt about 10 minutes early. We were excited because that would give us 70 minutes to catch our next flight. We knew it was going to be very difficult to make that connection but we were going to try our hardest. Unfortunately, there was a plane at our gate that was slow leaving the terminal so we sat for about another 20 minutes on the tarmac waiting for that plane to leave – uh oh.

Another miracle with this trip, is that we were seated in the very first row of Economy seats. We had talked with some of the people around us and they were aware of our very short connection and let us get off first. They all wished us good luck! We were off, going as fast as we could. We had a looong way to go to get to the next terminal. We were making great time until we got dumped back out at a security check point. This was our first taste that the rest of the world, doesn’t move at American pace. It was so sloooow. We were literally standing there, waiting and waiting for them to send our bags through the scanners while a mob of the security people just stood there talking with each other and laughing about a difficult person that went through security. Our bags were literally sitting inside the machine, we could see what the tech should have been looking at but she had her chair completely turned around the other way and was having social hour. Finally, a co-worker came over and yelled something at them that got them working again.

Finally, we were through that checkpoint and back to the races! We still had a long way to go and time was ticking. We finally made it to our gate and they asked us if we were the Keyser party. They said we literally just made it and that they were closing the gate. At this point we went through the gates only to have to board a bus that would take us to our plane.

This is where it gets comical. We board a bus, which drives around between all the airplanes and terminals for about 10 minutes before finally getting all the way to the other side of the airport (where we first started) to board our plane. Peter and I laughed when our bus LITERALLY drove right behind the plane we came in on. Our plane was way closer to our original gate than it was to the gate they had us get on the bus at. It was pretty crazy, but we were just happy to have made the flight and know that we were just hours away from our son’s birth country.

Leg 3: Frankfurt to Addis Ababa 6 1/2 hour flight

We boarded the plane and were once again surprised and thrilled to see that we had exit row seats! We were so blessed to get those wonderful seats for the entire journey.

By the time this plane got in the air, we were exhausted and so ready to be done. This was the toughest leg for us. We had 6 ½ hours flight time. We tried to sleep, but there was so much commotion all around us that it was very difficult. This flight seemed to move in slow motion.

Finally the flight tracker showed us narrowing in on the city of Addis Ababa. I had tears in my eyes as I looked out the window as we neared the city. We were almost to our son! He was and is so worth this journey! In our row, we had a beautiful Ethiopian baby girl and it was so fun to people watch on this flight. This was our first real glimpse of Ethiopian people as there were several on this flight. One thing we noticed, which I had heard before – is that people would just come over and take this little girl from her mother and carry her around the aisle and such. That is a very culturally acceptable thing to do and the baby girl (probably around 9 to 10 months old) never seemed to mind.

The clouds were very dark as we flew into the city. We could definitely tell why the city has to shut down the courts during the rainy season. Every place was muddy and swampy. It was starting to get dark out and you could see little tin roofs laid out throughout the area, but only rarely did you see a light on a building.

Landing in Addis Ababa was unlike anywhere else we have been. There were no big high rises. Just lots and lots of tiny little shacks. Our plane landed and the Ethiopian people on the plane clapped. It was just another example of their joy and thankfulness. It was very foggy out as we made our way to our gate. First thing we had to do was get in line to get a Visa. That went smoothly and then we were dumped into a very slow line to go through customs. For whatever reason, we were put in a line that just was not moving. Finally, we made it through. We went from being one of the first people off the plane, to being the second to last family to get through Immigration. The airport was emptying out by the time we got to baggage claim and I was just hoping that the person who was picking us up was still waiting for us and didn’t think we missed our flight.

Baggage claim was pretty empty by the time we got there and it didn’t take long at all to notice that none of our tubs were there. So off to the baggage desk we went. Once again, we realized that the rest of the world does not move at the same pace as America. We did eventually find out that our bags were still in Frankfurt (no surprise) and that they would arrive the next evening. We then had to try and guess how or who would be picking up our bags. We were getting more and more concerned that our driver may have left by now as the entire airport was almost empty by the time we made it through Customs.

My stuff made it through customs no problem, but they wanted to search Peter’s bags. So at this point, I ditched him and headed out to the main airport area to try and find our driver. I was one of the only white people in the entire airport and so taxi drivers kept coming up and asking me if I needed a ride. I found a few men who were holding up signs for people, but none with our name on it. We were expecting someone from AGCI would be picking us up as that is what we were told. Finally Peter caught up and we walked around the airport a little bit with no luck finding our driver. We were almost off to the pay phones to call our contacts when a man approached Peter holding a sign with our name on it. Apparently our agency sent someone from the hotel to pick us up.

So off we went with the man, still not sure who he was. It didn’t click with us that he was not from our agency until we arrived outside and saw the van was for the Riviera Hotel. A few more people hopped on the van and off to the hotel we went.

The city was dark by this time. It didn’t take long for us to realize that driving in Addis Ababa takes some serious skill. Still not sure if there are any laws to driving, but somehow through honking and flashing their lights drivers are able to get the point across about what they are intending on doing.

We were able to see several people walking along the roads and shacks everywhere. It was night, but there were still a lot of people out and about and moving around. That adds another element to driving. People are constantly walking out in front of cars that are flying through the city. At one point there was a stray dog that ran out in front of our van. Oddly enough, I never felt unsafe on the drive.
I knew that the driver was very experienced and capable just like the drivers in Jamaica.

Another unique thing that we had heard about is the smell here. It is indescribable, but very apparent. It is not a bad smell, just different. A weird combination of diesel fumes, smog, tires, and smoke. With that combination and the fact that we are sitting at a high altitude – breathing is different.

It was very humbling to watch the city at night. Almost unreal and so different than what we are used to. There were thousands of people along the streets, huddled up under blankets, sleeping for the night and it is quite cold outside right now. After about a 20 minute drive we made it to our hotel. Check in was easy and we were able to try to settle in for the night. The people have all been very nice to us! We definitely stand out though.

We tried to get internet set up, but had no luck. We were so tired that we skipped any dinner plans and just went to sleep.

Home as a family!!!

2010-08-15T13:45:00.001-07:00

We are home!!! We are finally starting to recover from the jet lag. I will start on our trip posts soon but wanted to recap how I am feeling emotionally 1 week into parenthood.

This past week has been the most difficult and yet the best week of my life. I was not fully prepared for the array of emotions I would experience throughout this past week. I had no idea how exhausting traveling for over 36 hours would be and I had no idea how valuable your travel group is while in country. We have been stretched so much in the past week and yet our hearts have grown so much in love for our son, in love for the orphans who remain, and in love for the poorest of this world. Truly, once our eyes have been opened, we can't pretend we don't know what to do.

It is such a relief to have the adoption process behind us and now we can move forward with this new incredible journey! I have spent the last 13 months holding my breath and waiting. Waiting for paperwork to be completed, waiting for money to come in, waiting to see our son's face, waiting to pass court, waiting for travel approval. I have finally been able to breath again and stop waiting for the next part of our lives to begin. All this waiting has produced the most incredible blessing and I constantly wonder how I could possibly deserve this opportunity to parent this beautiful child.

Our experiences were so different than I expected. My mind is still trying to process what I saw and what I experienced in the past week. Things that I did not expect to be emotional were very emotional and moments I thought would bring me to tears did not.

After toughing out the airplane ride that I dreaded, after an exhausting 30 some hours of travel I was surprised to find tears in my eyes as I looked out the airplane window and saw the city my son lived in.

Meeting my son was not the emotional experience I expected. It was kind of ackward to pick up a 3 month old little boy that I knew nothing about and try to keep him happy. It was ackward to just a mere hour later be sent on our way back to the hotel room with this child and hope for the best.

On the second day when my son looked around the hotel room and I could just see the terror in his eyes at this new place and new people, I couldn't hold back the tears as he wailed for 30 minutes. I was so in love with him and knowing he was scared and grieving broke my heart so much.

I was surprised at how hard it was to say goodbye to the only home that Malachi knew. It hurt to take him away from everything familiar in his life. It hurt to see just how excited he was and how much he loved his special mother's and I was taking that away from him. It was hard to watch his special mother's say goodbye to him for the very last time, these woman who gave so much love to him in the past 3 months and by the tears in their eyes I can't imagine how they love and give away over and over again.

I was surprised at how hard it was to leave Ethiopia. I was ready to come home, but taking my son from his birth country in some ways felt so wrong. I know this is the only option for him. From what the staff in Ethiopia told us, adopting is not a priority to the people in Ethiopia who are financially able to adopt and these children would truly not survive if we did not come and adopt them, but it was still hard. It was hard to think that Malachi fit in with everyone in Ethiopia and one airplane ride away he would stand out now and have to face situations of racism.

Another thing that I did not expect is for my heart to feel so full of love and joy. I knew that it could take some time to feel those strong feelings for him and while I won't lie and say I haven't been tired and frustrated over the past week overall I feel so sooo incredibly blessed that God called us on this hard, but amazing journey to our son!!! I feel so fortunate that we get to be Malachi's parents!

I will be back hopefully tomorrow with the start of our trip recap, but I wanted to share how I feel :)

And here's a little snippet of our adorable baby boy - more pictures to come soon :)

Off We Go!!!

2010-08-04T23:31:00.001-07:00

The bags are finally all packed and in 3 short hours we are on our way. Definitely not getting much sleep tonight (as it is already way past bedtime), but with 25 hours of travel ahead of us maybe it will help me get some sleep on the planes! We leave for San Francisco at 7:00 AM tomorrow, then have to kill 5 hours before really getting the trip started. We then fly to Germany and finally will arrive in Addis Ababa.

I have been so nervous about this trip, but God has definitely helped me through the worst of it and I am very calm and peaceful now and ready to do whatever it takes to get my son in my arms. I hope to be able to do some blogging while in Ethiopia (testing the email to blog capability right now). Please pray for us as we embark on this journey. Pray that we stay healthy as we go and that Malachi stays healthy and transitions well in this coming week. Hopefully we will talk again in Ethiopia :)

Emotional

2010-08-03T15:16:00.001-07:00

To say the last few weeks have been crazy would be an understatement. In less than 48 hours we leave for Ethiopia. This adoption journey is almost over and our reward is waiting for us. In 5 days our son will be in our arms - it is just hard to believe!

This journey has not been easy. Every step of the journey has been hard and emotional. I remember when we decided to grow our family through adoption. We were so ready for the battle and challenges that were ahead. We knew that the adoption journey was not going to be easy, and it hasn't been.

At the beginning of the journey we worked so hard. We had a whole lot of money that we had to raise and we had a whole lot of paperwork to do. We were on a mission and God strengthened us to get it all done. I wanted to get my child home as soon as possible. I remember how frustrated I was when I found out that the state rejected my fingerprints. It was the first of many emotional blows in the process. I knew at the time that it was all part of God's perfect timing, but it did not make it any easier.

I remember the day the paperchase was over and we were finally on the wait list! What an amazing day and we celebrated and were so relieved!

Unfortunately, the toughest days of the journey were ahead. Waiting was so sooo hard. Our wait was longer than we originally anticipated and I was really struggling before it was over. Finally the day came and our phone did ring and we got to see the face of our son. But we still had a long way to go and a lot of waiting in front of us. In some ways I still felt like I had to protect my heart.

Finally we got our first court date and as everyone who has read this blog knows, we didn't pass. Court was such an emotional rollercoaster and it was so very hard to find out that we had to continue waiting to pass court. Finally, after 5 tries we passed court - he is our son! It felt amazing and was truly one of the best days of our life.

So here we are, just 2 sleeps away from traveling around the world to meet our son and bring him home. The butterfly's hit this morning and I don't think I can fully comprehend just how much our life is about to change. Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled and cannot wait to get our son home, but life change is scary and this is a huge life change.

Fortunately, I know we are in the center of God's will for our life. He is giving me a peace that is unexplainable. I know He is walking with us. I cannot wait for Sunday. I still cannot believe that we get our son on Sunday!!! He is spending his last few nights in the transition home and soon he will be in his forever home. I just can't help but try to think about the impact us showing up is going to have on him. I look at these still photos we have of him, and there is only so much a picture shows. I can't wait to see him in person, and hold him in my arms, and kiss his sweet cheeks. I can't wait to learn just who Malachi is! I can't wait to bring him home and introduce him to everyone - just 10 more days until home!

My feelings are unexplainable right now. I definitely feel a little hormonal :) My son is coming home!!! I have to get on an airplane in 2 days :) I get to experience my son's homeland! I get to walk into Hannah's Hope and pick up my son in 5 days! I get to bring him forever home in 10 days! No words can explain the emotions I am feeling right now.

I felt like there was so much process to adoption before, but now I can't help but think - this is it? This is all there is to it? Don't they need more information before trusting us with a human being? I just feel so sooo honored that we get to be Malachi's parents!!!

Bonding and Attachment - The Gameplan

2010-07-28T15:52:00.001-07:00

If you are in the process of adopting these are two words you will get used to hearing. It is such an important part of building the foundation with a newly adopted child and our agency has seriously pounded this into our heads through all the required classes and also all of our calls with the transition coordinator in preparation for this happening. We even had to write a detailed transition plan in order to accept our sons referral 3 months ago. I really appreciate that our agency stresses the importance of these early connections. Some of the recommendations are really tough to live by, but you can't go back and do this again and it could even be 15 years down the road before we know if Malachi every truly attached to us.

I know there are critics out there that believe a 3 month old baby could not possibly have any lifelong problems with the loss they have endured in their life. I beg to differ.

Our son lost the strongest bond of his life within moments or days of being born. The bond a baby has with his mother is something unlike anything else and to lose that bond at any age for a child is a huge lifelong loss that he will experience. We have read articles that suggest an infant MUST bond with someone within 21 days of birth or else it will be impossible for them to EVER bond with anyone in life. Bonding is SOOOO important.

Now we received our referral for our little boy when he was only 2 1/2 weeks old. At that point, since I had read this statistic I started praying so hard that he would bond quickly with his special mother's at Hannah's Hope. We feel fortunate that we were able to get his referral at such a young age, but it is heartbreaking to imagine what those first few weeks of his life looked like. I can only imagine how confusing that time was for a tiny newborn baby. I know logically that he will never have coherent memories of that time in his life, but on a deep emotional level he will.

As a newborn baby he lost the bond with his mother. At that time, he spent his first 4 days of life being cared for at a hospital. After 4 days, he traveled a very long distance to an orphanage where he spent another 4 days. His entire first week of life was spent with different people holding him and feeding him and constantly moving around. At around 8 days old he was transferred to Hannah's Hope where he will have spent 105 days before we get him.

Now I do feel very fortunate that the majority of his first 3 months of life were spent in stability and deep love at Hannah's Hope. But I do worry about the effect those first 8 days could have on him emotionally. Now, after 105 days - he is settling in, I am sure he has bonded with his special mother's and we are going to show up and once again he is going to lose everything familiar to him. He will lose all the attachments he has made up to this point - another loss in a young boys life. Fortunately, this is the last time, but he doesn't know that. As his parents, we have to work extra hard when he gets home to rebuild that trust and attachment that he has lost several times over in his life.

Fortunately our agency and our friends have done a great job of giving us pointers on how to help facilitate this bonding with him.

Here are some ways in which we will aid in bonding and attaching with our son:

We will spend a lot of time in the next 3 months "cocooning" with him. This will mean spending a lot of time at home with him so he can start to build a relationship with his mom and dad before introducing him to others. This also means we will be limiting visitors during this critical time.

When we are out in public we will limit his contact with others. We will constantly be babywearing at home and when out and about to help facilitate that closeness.

Once others are allowed to hold him, we will still be the only ones to feed him, change him, and comfort him. This helps him to understand that we are the ones who will meet all of his needs.

He will sleep in our bed with us. Adopted children tend to really struggle at night as infants tend to process grief through sleep and dreams. This way, when he does wake up at night we will be right there for him and will help him to know that we will never leave him.

During the day, we will be within 3-5 seconds of his cries. Hopefully we will be much closer and hopefully he will enjoy babywearing. When he naps, they recommend napping with him and since he is our only little one, I will hopefully be able to do that.

Don't be associated with pain. That means not holding him down or holding him while he gets shots at the doctor. Instead we will let a nurse hold him and then cuddle him immediately following the shots. That helps him understand that we won't hurt him but we are there for him when he does get hurt.

We will never let him "cry it out". This could make him feel like he is alone and bring back feelings of abandonment.

Have skin to skin contact with him. This can be during feedings, bathing with him, and during sleep time. Skin to skin contact is an important aspect of bonding. This can also be done through baby massage time (I know he is spoiled now with multiple massages a day :) and games that promote eye contact between us and him.

Continue Bottle Feeding for 18 months. This is one that doctors struggle with, but feeding time is really great bonding time. Obviously continuing with this until our son is almost 2 may not be possible, but as long as he still wants that time with us we will provide this time for him. Feedings are wonderful times of rocking, and cuddling and again, reinforce that we provide for all of his needs.

So that is the rough draft of "our plan". Obviously, the best laid plans don't always work out so we will remain flexible. we are just so excited to get him home and start this journey we've been waiting and waiting to go on :)

2010-07-26T10:07:00.000-07:00

Thank you so much for your prayers and encouragement. It was very difficult for me to admit my struggle but your responses and words have been a great encouragement to me. I am going, no matter how difficult it will be, but I truly feel God telling me that it will be okay and won't be as bad as I think it will be.

I wish I could say all the fear and anxiousness is gone, but unfortunately it is still there. I am trying to focus on the bigger picture. Yes, in 10 days I have to board a plane that I have no desire to board. I have to spend at least 24 hours traveling to Ethiopia - there is no way around that.

But it makes me cry to look beyond that and see that in 13 days we will have Malachi in our arms and he will be an orphan no more! From that day on, he will be with his family - where he belongs! This child, OUR SON, that we have dreamed about and cried many tears over the agony of the wait - we have waited and prayed for over 2 years for a child and in 13 days our dream will be fulfilled - it doesn't get any better then that!!!

Following God's will is hardly ever easy. It always seems like there is a difficult step of faith to take before you get to the reward God has for you. Nothing worth having is ever easy. This entire journey has been so soooo hard and this final step is going to be difficult, but so soooo worth it! In comparison to labor - that airplane trip is going to be a 24 hour hard labor for me, but when it is done and over - I get the most beautiful gift and I can't wait.

God has not promised me that the trip will be easy. He has reassured me that I will make it and it won't be as bad as my imagination can make it (gotta love the imagination!) but I know He will be with me and Malachi is SO worth it! He has helped me to look beyond the airplane trip and see my son. I have enjoyed all the Gotcha Day videos while we have waited and tried to imagine how that moment will feel and we are somehow just 13 days away from our very own Gotcha Day with our son!

Malachi,

You are worth it! If I try to imagine everything you have been through in the past 3 months of your life, my fear and pain doesn't even compare. We are coming so soon - 13 more days before you are with your forever family! One final transition sweet boy and you will be home forever! We love you so much and cannot wait to get you home!!!

Fear

2010-07-23T14:44:00.001-07:00

I try to keep this blog real. There are always thoughts and feelings that I keep to myself. It is difficult to be transparent, but I really feel like I need to share this.

I am scared. I can try my hardest to cover all my feelings with excitement and happiness but inside me - I am almost paralyzed with fear. It all has to do with a 24 hour plane trip around the world. I am not a huge fan of flying. I do it, but I don't enjoy it. The longest I can tolerate have been 6 hour plane rides and that is difficult on me. For personal reasons - I am extra terrified of this trip right now.

In all honesty, if I trusted that my first-time-dad of a husband knew how to take care of an infant I would just send him. The fear is that strong right now. We leave in less than 2 weeks and I am trying to release these feelings because honestly - I don't want to get on that plane. It is going to be hard for me.

I know some people just totally do not understand the struggle people have with flying and will totally think that I am ridiculous for having this fear. Other's completely understand how I feel right now and know how hard it is to get on that plane even if your son or daughter is on the other side of that plane ride.

The one thing I do know about this - is this is not like me. A plane has never stood in my way before of someplace I have wanted to go. I can do it when I want to. So this is unusual in how intense this fear is for me right now. The greatest thing in the world lies on the other side of this plane trip and I am still afraid to go.

I have read many families stories leading up to their trip to their children. The common theme is spiritual warfare. I have no doubt this paralyzing fear I have is spiritual warfare. Satan does not want to see the orphans into families. He is constantly telling me that I obviously am not this little boys mother and obviously do not love him if I don't want to get on that plane to get him. Unfortunately, I have listened to this voice to many times. I have even wondered if we really are ready to give up the life we have now - just the 2 of us?

It is a daily struggle for me to listen to the voice of truth. God gently reminds me that I have promised to go where he sends me. This isn't about me! This is about my obedience to go where God leads. I have never doubted that God wants us to bring our son home from Ethiopia - and I still have never doubted that. It makes me cry to think that my son is on the other side of the world waiting for us. He is waiting for his mommy and daddy to show up and take him home. How am I so blinded and allowing satan to fill me with fear of a silly airplane trip when my child is waiting?!?

I know this is silly and stupid. I feel extremely embarrassed now for even typing this, but I have to share my heart. I know most of you would love to switch spots with me right now and be traveling to pick up your son or daughter. I will not let satan win. We are going. I will get on that plane and I will hold my son in my arms in 16 days. Following God is not always easy and getting on that plane while easy for most people, is going to be hard for me and an act of obedience to God's calling on our lives. I know in a month, when we are home as a family - it will all be worth it!

Deuteronomy 31:6
Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you

Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Please pray for me as I continue to battle this silly fear and spiritual battle with the one who does not want to see my son come home.

Time to pack our bags!!!

2010-07-20T13:57:00.001-07:00

We are confirmed for travel! Seriously, it is hard to believe that it is time!!! I am so excited and nervous and THRILLED that our son is coming home!!! We have waited a long time and dreamed of this day and now we actually know what day he will be in our arms and we know what day he will be home!!!!

I thought I was prepared but now I am realizing just how much needs to get done in the next 2 weeks! So exciting! The next 2 weeks are going to fly by!

We are busy busy busy booking our flights. Our options are very limited (and expensive) and our travel agent has has to get REALLY creative to get us there. Instead of using the typical US airliner we are actually having to fly up into Canada and using Canada Air to get us on our way! We also could not find any flights to get us there the exact dates we wanted so we will be leaving a day early and getting in a day early. This is actually what I preferred to do so I can rest up for Gotcha Day!

So we leave on August 5th, Malachi will be forever in our arms on August 8th, and we will be home as a family on August 13th! I will hopefully be able to blog from Ethiopia. Some families have luck with it and some don't so we will see how the internet behaves while we are there. Ah, I can hardly believe it - we're going to Ethiopia in 2 weeks!!!

We got our final update on our little man - er, not so little man :) Get this - so the last pictures I got of him I hardly even recognized him because he is a chubby little man :) Well, his final update says it all. So he just turned 3 months and he weighs almost a whopping 16 lbs!!! So I washed and prepared all of his 3-6 months size clothes but apparently they won't do. So I am washing and packing 6-9 month size stuff now :) I put in all of his stats that we got and he is above the 95% for height and in the 90% for weight. Hannah's Hope sure has taken good care of my boy :)

They also said that he should be comfortable with us right away and that I can feel free to hold him as soon as I meet him - YAY!!! They also said he enjoys classical music and being rocked - another yay for cuddle time!!! I seriously can't wait!!!

So needless to say we are quite busy around here. So much to do to prepare. I thought we were ahead of the game but now I look around my dirty house and see piles of new baby things that need washed and I realize just how fast these next 2 weeks are going to go.

Happy 3 Month Birthday Malachi!

2010-07-16T13:13:00.000-07:00

You are 3 months old today - wow time goes quickly. It is so hard knowing that you have spent your entire life in a time of "transition" but soon you will be forever home. We are still hopeful that 3 weeks from today we will be on the airplane to pick you up and in 3 weeks 2 days you will be in my arms! I really hope we get some confirmed travel dates next week.

I know you have no idea how radically your life is about to change. I am sure you are content and happy with where you are right now, but an orphanage is no place for a child to spend their life and you have been chosen! As of last week you have a new last name and a family who is longing for your arrival! By now you probably even have the most adorable little passport photo and a new pretty birth certificate :)

Last night I was finally able to cut the tags off all your clothes and wash them. I have really struggled with letting myself get my hopes up that you will actually be coming home but now that you are officially and legally our son - I can let my guard down. Can I just say - for a boy - you sure do have a lot of clothes! I am sorry because you are probably going to hate it but I am going to HAVE to play dress up with you because you just have too many adorable things to wear :)

I hate that you have no clue who we are or that you are going to be spending a lot ..... or the majority of the next 18+ years with us. We have had a year to adjust and plan for your arrival into our family and you haven't. You have no idea that you aren't "home" yet. So I promise I will try not to take it personally if you cry and hate me at first.

When I put myself in your shoes I just can't imagine how weird and different our life will be from what you are used to. I am sure America smells very different than Ethiopia does. I am sure the way I will hold you and cuddle you will look and sound different than what you are used to. I am sure our one child home with dogs that bark will be very different sounding than your current home with lots of children. Just know we are in this together and it is going to be a new experience for all involved - we will probably laugh together and cry together as we adjust to the new normal as a family of 3.

It is very hard to wait for this life changing event to occur. I wish you were home right now. But looking at your sweet face everyday through pictures and seeing your adorable grin is enough to get me through another few days without you sweet boy!

We love you Malachi and can't wait for you to be home with us!

1 Year Ago

2010-07-13T13:01:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was 1 year to the day since we decided to adopt. We were just getting back in town from our weekend "Babymoon" so I didn't have the time to post, but the fact that it was July 12th was definitely on my mind. It is almost hard to believe that we have been in process for a whole year already.

For us, adoption was a huge leap of faith but something God had been calling us and directing us too and we had been trying to push that to the back of our mind, knowing it would be more work than we wanted and cost more money than we wanted to spend. However, it is impossible to run away from God and the calling became so loud in our lives that on July 12th of last year we stopped running and started listening to what God wanted for our family.

We were very young and as we began doing research and investigating adoption we were finding that our options were extremely limited. Most countries were out of the question due to our age and we were okay with that as we really wanted to adopt from Ethiopia. Ethiopia had no age requirement but we were finding that almost every single agency required you to be 25. I have no doubt that God led us to our specific agency. They were the ONLY one who chose to look at families based on income, house size, length of marriage etc instead of assuming a person under 25 could not be prepared. Our agency has been wonderful! We have no doubts that they are behaving ethically in Ethiopia and that they truly care and nurture the children in their care.

We always thought adoption would be a "someday" thing for our family. Even as God was making it clear to us that His plan was to pursue adoption now, we tried to bargain with him that we would do it - someday, when we were more prepared. I laugh now at how we tried to get out of what He was calling us to do. I look at my son's face and realize that I almost missed out on the most incredible blessing.

And so began an amazing year of purpose:

On July 12th we finally listened to God's plan. We had no idea that a little baby boy had just come into existence halfway around the world and that He would be our son!

On July 22nd (Peter's 23rd Birthday) we were approved by our agency. We were so happy and so excited to get started! The only problem was, before we could start anything, we had to come up with over $9000. We did not have $9000. We prayed about it and trusted that over the coming months God would provide this first HUGE payment so we could get started. Something AMAZING happened in the next week. We somehow, miraculously came up with the money. On July 29th (our 3 year wedding anniversary!) we received the last little bit of money we needed to turn in our contracts and start the paperchase. God was working and making it clear to us that He was with us.

And so began the craziness of the paperchase. I wanted that paperwork done and I wanted on the wait list as soon as possible. I understood the importance of timing and that truly our wait list number would determine which child we would call our son or daughter. We were moving at lightning speed until the state of Oregon rejected my fingerprints and we had to start over. I was very frustrated. We lost 4 weeks because of this, but again, it was all part of God's perfect plan to make Malachi our son!

Another huge day for us in the adoption journey was October 29th. The paperwork was finally done and we were officially waiting for our referral. Our first wait list numbers were Girl 43, Boy 22, Siblings 14 I remember when we first started the paperwork wait list numbers were starting in the 20's for girls, low teens for boys, and single digits for siblings. The program had doubled in like a 3 month timeframe and now to see that families are getting wait list numbers in the 70's for a girl, 40's for a boy, and 30's for siblings! Once again, the program has doubled in about 6 months time.

For me personally, being on the wait list was really hard. I wanted to know who my child was and waiting was not fun. There were months that hardly any referrals went out and we weren't moving closer and that was so frustrating. It got even harder after we were in single digits and we began to comprehend that our son was probably out there somewhere. I remember how I felt at the #2 spot and I remember how hard it was to wait at #1. It was agonizing waiting for the phone to ring everyday and being disappointed as another night would come and we would have to wait through another day to see if the phone would ring. We spent 2 1/2 weeks at #2 and almost 2 weeks at #1 - it was rough!

Finally, the phone did ring. May 4th was the most incredible day! We finally saw the face of the little boy who would be our son! He was so gorgeous and so tiny at only 2 weeks old. He was perfect. The day was perfect! God's plan was PERFECTION! Waiting on God is not easy, but it was so worth it!

Now we are in the final stage of waiting. This process has had so many highs and lows. getting wait listed was an amazing day and getting our referral was incredible but nothing could top July 8th when we finally - after 9 long weeks and 5 court dates found out that the judge had approved our case and Malachi was legally our son!!! I seriously think that may be the best day of my life (until I hold him in my arms that is). We became 3 - finally!

This journey is almost over. In a matter of weeks we will travel halfway around the world to Africa and get our son placed in our arms for the very first time! We will begin the long, healing process of his heart that only God can do. We will begin this next journey of bonding and attaching with our young son and helping him learn that he can trust us. I am so eager to get the healing started and learn about who my son is.

We PASSED court!!!

2010-07-08T09:56:00.001-07:00

Sometime last night, while we were sound asleep our case went before the judge again. This has been a very long and emotional few weeks waiting for everything to come together for a court pass. Our journey to court approval was not your typical journey, but then again is there a "typical" in adoption?

On May 4th we got our referral for a precious precious 2 week old baby boy. A mere 3 days later, the law changed in Ethiopia requiring families to travel for the court hearing. As of referral time, it could have gone either way. We could have been the first to have to travel twice, but we squeaked by and were fortunate to only have to travel once.

Before our referral court dates were happening about 5 weeks after referral. Our first court date was set for 6 weeks after referral for June 15th. So we started to emotionally prepare for that date.

A few weeks later, we got a call that our court date had been changed to June 21st. This was a sort of emotional blow. When you are longing to be with your child every day, even if it is only 6 days difference is so hard without your little one.

Finally June 21st came. I had no idea how difficult and nerve wracking it could be to know your case is going to court and a judge will decide if you get to become a parent. It was a very long and very sleepless night. As 8:30 hit in the morning, I became very nervous knowing the phone would ring at any time telling me the court verdict. Finally, around 8:45 the phone rang - the judge didn't show up. We will try again tonight.

So June 22nd. I am already exhausted from one sleepless night only to find out that I get to do it all over again. Another difficult night of sleep. 8:30 hits, I am very nervous. Phone rings, we didn't pass. MOWA letter was missing. A huge emotional blow. Other families who got referrals after us found out they passed court. Thrilled for these families but hard to understand why our letter wasn't ready. Next court date is July 1st.

July 1st comes. Slept okay. Extremely nervous as 8:30 hits............ no phone call. Finally, around 10:00 get a call that they have no news for us. Maybe internet was slow in Ethiopia? We have to wait another day for our court news. Another emotionally difficult day wondering what happened at the court hearing.

July 2nd arrives. Nervously waiting at 8:30 for the phone call. Phone rings at 8:45 - we didn't pass. Apparently the judge wanted another document. So crushed and defeated. Frustrated as to why the judge didn't request this document a week ago. Trying to trust God's ultimate plan. He has not failed us once throughout this process. Our agency assures us that they have the document ready and even requested a sooner court date than the judge was going to give us!

July 8th is here. Nervously waiting for the call at 8:30. Phone rings at 8:31 with the news that WE PASSED COURT!!! Whew, huge sigh of relief. The end of an extremely emotional and difficult 9 weeks of knowing who my son is but waiting on legalities to be complete so we can prepare to bring him home.

We have a son and I am SOOOO thrilled! Now the final steps are taking place before he can come home. They now will get him a passport and a new birth certificate. It makes me so happy to know the blanks are being filled in on his birth certificate. Adoption sure does make something beautiful out of a rough situation. He is no longer an orphan, but has a mom and a dad on his birth certificate and now we will forever carry the new wonderful title of mom and dad!!!

The US Embassy will do a final medical exam of him and then our Embassy date will be scheduled where we will appear and answer a few final questions before they grant him a VISA to come home. We are hopeful this will take place in early August!!!

We are finally at the very end of this adoption road! Whew, the prize is before us :) In a matter of weeks our son will be in our arms and we will be a family!!! We really are coming soon Malachi!!!

My Little Sweetie!

2010-07-04T11:03:00.000-07:00

2 months ago today I saw your face for the very first time. I try not to focus on how much longer it is going to be before you are home, because in the grand scheme of things the time separating us is just a mere moment of your life and I trust you will be with us soon. We will be a family.

Yesterday I was blessed with video of you. I was able to see just a few second glimpse of your life in Ethiopia. I was able to see your special mother holding you. I was able to hear your Ethiopian name pronounced - fortunately we do pronounce it the right way :) I was able to see your big beautiful Ethiopian eyes wide open and staring through the camera at me. I was able to see just how much you have filled out over the last few weeks. You have the cutest, most kissable chubby cheeks. You were almost unrecognizable from the photos we received 4 long weeks ago if it wasn't for that curly head of hair and those pronounced lips. Your adorable little mouth is the very first thing I noticed about you 2 months ago today. The best part of those videos was your smile. I have been dreaming about your smile and now I have finally seen your melt the heart smile. I like to imagine that you knew that video was specially for your mommy and you knew she would need a little pick me up today. You are so beautiful!

The holiday's without you are always difficult. Today being the 4th of July is no different. I was always hopeful that you would be home, celebrating with us by this date but for reasons I cannot understand you still need to spend a little more time in your home country. We do miss you today and are constantly carrying you around with us in our hearts. We are always imagining what life will be like with you home and we can't wait. Soon, this constant waiting for the next piece of the puzzle will be behind us and you will be home and the emptiness will be gone, to be filled with living life through a child's eyes!

We are so thankful that our prayers are being answered. That you are most definitely growing big and strong and staying healthy. We are finding ourselves praying more and more that God will prepare your young heart for what is to come. We hate that you are going to have to suffer more loss in your little life. We pray that you will be able to grieve and process this loss of the life you know and be able to attach quickly to your new forever life with us.

We love you so much Malachi and we are coming soon!

Another No Go

2010-07-02T11:58:00.001-07:00

Well, we didn't pass again. It is very difficult to continue to be in this place when we want so bad to have our little guy home. It is so hard to know that he is going to be sitting in a home without us longer than he should have to. We want nothing more than to quickly get over there and hold him and bring him home.

But God's ways are not our ways. For whatever reason we are left here with this aching in our hearts for our son who is stuck in waiting while we finish the legalities.

We believe the letter we were waiting on has been written, which is fabulous! That is the letter the Ethiopian government writes to approve us as parents and that is a big one! Now the judge has requested some authentication to be done to some documents in the region where our son was born.

Fortunately this office is in the same city that our little guy is at and after getting the difficult news this morning we just received an update from our agency and they said the staff has already gotten this taken care of and hopefully we will pass next week!

So now we wait 6 more days for July 8th and hope and pray that this is it. 5 court dates is more than enough. I have lots to be thankful for as we wait. I am thankful that my son is in good hands where he is dearly loved and is happy. I am thankful that our agency has worked so hard to get those documents ready in a timely manner. I am thankful for an awesome support system as we wait. I am thankful that all of our court dates have been relatively close together. It is not uncommon to have 3 weeks separate each court appointment and all of our court dates have happened within a 3 week timespan which is great.

So another week of waiting............. I am so sick of WAITING.

No News (Hopefully Good News?!?)

2010-07-01T13:44:00.000-07:00

Well no news today. I admit it is a little frustrating but it is better than another failure at this point in time. So many people have gathered around us in prayer over the past week and a half that I just have to believe that MOWA letter is ready!

I am learning some serious lessons in patience. I just want to know that Malachi is my son! I know that eventually we will pass court, but you still begin to worry and second guess. I just want it to be official and legal and irrevocable!

I had no idea how exhausting waiting could be. It is such an emotional journey to wait and to wake up in the middle of the night and wonder if your case is going before the judge. It is very nerve wracking to watch time tick by and know that your phone is going to ring any time with the court verdict. Ugh, I have had that happen 4 times now and I am ready to be done.

There are 2 main reasons that we didn't hear anything:

Reason #1 is that internet could have been sketchy last night in Ethiopia so the staff was unable to get an email to our agency. If this is the case, than it is anyone's guess what happened at court. We could have passed or we could have been rescheduled again.

Reason #2 is that they are working on drafting the adoption decree (which means we passed!) but they didn't finish and won't let us know until that is ready.

Obviously I prefer option #2. I am so eager to get my son in my arms. Even if we can't travel until August, I would just love to know that he is ours!!!

So we continue to wait............. hopefully tomorrow will bring good news!

Here We Go Again

2010-06-30T08:34:00.001-07:00

Well tonight is our 4th court date. I have avoided feeling nervous until yesterday. Last night I was even praying in my sleep and dreaming about a court pass. I keep imagining life with our little boy and I long to hold him in my arms. I am so ready to get him home and this is that last huge hurtle we have to overcome before we can do that.

The difficult thing is there is just no way to predict when that letter will get to the courts. I hope and pray it has arrived. I want Malachi to be officially our son. I want him to lose that "orphan" status.

A dear friend who is over in Ethiopia right now was able to get some video of our little man. I can't wait to watch it! She said that he is so happy and smiley!!! It makes my heart happy to know that he is happy! She said she was even able to catch his big smiles on tape! Oh, I can't wait to see it. I have been dying to see his smile! I know it is going to MELT me!!!

I am ready to go get my boy! Please God, let us pass court tonight!!!

Waiting......... Again..............

2010-06-27T19:42:00.001-07:00

I am so excited that the week is starting and that Wednesday will be here SOON. I am just hoping our case worker has good news to share with us on Thursday morning.

It has been an emotionally exhausting past week. I am worn out and very discouraged. I am trying to trust God's timing and God's plan but it is not easy when your son is sitting, still declared an "orphan" halfway around the world. It is so hard to be helpless in the timing of when he can come.

I know he is in great hands and that does help a lot, but I want him in my hands!!! We just love him so much that it hurts to be waiting.

I have really wrestled with God over the past week about why. I truly don't understand why our documents were not ready when the families who got their referrals after us passed court easily and their documents were ready.

Waiting for court is sickening. It is so hard to build up to that day. It is impossible to sleep at night and I just want to throw up waiting for that phone to ring. Thankfully our case worker has been great about calling really early in the morning.

Anyway, we are just ready and PRAYING those documents are ready in time for our court appointment on Wednesday. I can't imagine how difficult Thursday will be if we find out we are on our way to court date #5.

Trying to stay positive over here...............

Court Date #4

2010-06-22T10:34:00.000-07:00

Well, we did not pass today. It is frustrating to say the least. Building up to a court date is very hard. The waiting is so hard. Trying to sleep, knowing your case is going before the judge sometime that night is so hard. Waking up and waiting for your phone to ring with a court verdict is so difficult. Finding out you didn't pass and you can't travel to get your baby and he is continuing to grow older without his family is so soooo difficult.

I don't know what the purpose of this waiting is, but I know there must be one. I do have peace that our God is in control and that He has His plan and timing. All I want is my son in my arms and someday hearing we passed court and finally getting our son in our arms will be such a rich moment throughout all these difficulties.

10 minutes after we got the bad news, we had to participate in a conference call about travel. It was very difficult to pay attention and get excited about travel after getting this news.

We are hanging tight and waiting for our next attempt at court, praying that the documentation is in order by July 1st. Hopefully only one more week of waiting, one more sleepless night while our case is at court, only one more nervous morning waiting for the phone ringing and then we can celebrate and prepare to get our son in our arms.

We want you home so badly Malachi!!!

New Court Date

2010-06-21T12:27:00.000-07:00

Apparently the judge was not at the courts today which means we had to be rescheduled (again). The wonderful news that we are thankful for is that our reschedule is for tonight. So only one more day of waiting! We are hopeful this means that everything will be in order and that we will pass.

What an emotional ride. Last night proved impossible to sleep and I am exhausted. Not looking forward to repeating that tonight but I hope the news is better tonight!!! It is crazy that we are on our 3rd court date and we are yet to have our case go before the judge!!!

Oh well, so we wait a little longer!!!

While You Were Sleeping............

2010-06-20T15:29:00.001-07:00

Tonight our case goes to court. Right now, with us just being hour away from that moment I am holding up pretty well. I am nervous, but over all feel at peace about it. I don't know how I will handle the news if we find out we don't pass but I am hopeful that tomorrow will be a day of celebration (complete with Ethiopian food!)

I am so ready to get our son home!

I wonder if the necessary documents are to the courts. Documents with our son's name on them and our name on them. Files that over the past few weeks have been merged together with our little ones! Documents recommending us to be parents!!!

I wonder if the electricity will cooperate today. I wonder what type of a mood the judge will wake up in today. It is a Monday morning, and we all know how Monday mornings are.

I wonder how our Power of Attorney feels this morning as she is waking up and taking our case to court. We are one of several families she will be representing tonight. I am so curious about how everything will take place. In some ways, I really wish I could be there. I wish I didn't have to wait for a phone call after our agency opens up, but instead knew in the moment when our son was ours!

It is so hard not having any control of what happens. Adoption makes you feel totally useless sometimes. Thankfully on the other side, it creates a new trust and dependence on the one who knows all and handles all!!! Today I am thankful that God is filling me with peace. Even while I nervously wait as the hours tick by and know that tomorrow morning I will be very nervous waiting for the verdict - God is in control. He has a plan and He has a timing. He has not failed us one step of this journey and He will not let us down. I am reminded today that God loves Malachi more than I do!!! He has this little one covered :)

Happy 2 month Birthday!

2010-06-16T12:05:00.001-07:00

Our little guy is 2 months old today!

I really wanted to pass court before his 2 month birthday, but hopefully in 5 more days he will be ours!!!

I did some fun little research on 2 months olds:

Malachi should be able to recognize his caretakers voices now. He may start turning his head in the direction of the sounds he hears.

Malachi should be smiling now. Oh, I can't wait to see his smile!!!

Malachi will soon be able to recognize more complex shapes and more colors.

Have I mentioned I can't wait to get him in my arms?!?!

I am starting to think more realistically about the coming weeks. If we pass court (and I really really hope we do!) on the first try, we might get to travel in as soon as 3 weeks! We certainly have a lot to do if that is the case (and I really really hope we do!)

I still haven't been able to convince myself to wash the baby clothes. I know it is lame, but as soon as we pass court - those clothes are getting washed and packed :)

Our spare bedroom is full of packing tubs (5 tubs of donations already whoohoo!) and all the things we need to take over with us. We've just been throwing stuff in there as we think about it, but as soon as we pass court I will get busy with organizing it all! For now, I am trying to stay focused on the court date and not thinking ahead to the fact that I may be flying around the world in 3-5 short weeks (have I mentioned I am not the biggest fan of flying!?!)

Searching for Peace

2010-06-15T12:20:00.000-07:00

I feel so helpless right now and am searching for peace. Our case goes to court in a mere 6 days:

This time next week we will know. Malachi could very well legally be our son in one short week! That thought makes me giddy with excitement! For me personally, I feel this is the single most important step in the adoption journey. Getting approved, getting on the wait list, getting our referral - those were all huge steps in this journey, but in 6 short days it could all be DONE! There are no give-backs! Malachi could be our son forever in every right! I can't downplay the importance of that day!!! This time next week we could seriously just be waiting for travel dates - ahhhh so exciting!

I am trying to not think past the court date because I really don't want to get my hopes up, but it sure is hard not to think about getting my hands on that little guy!

Sure, there are still steps that need to be taken. We have to wait on the US Embassy to finish things up so we can bring him home and we will have to re-adopt him in the US but those are just the final pieces of the puzzle we've been putting together over the last year.

I am both anxious and excited to think that if we pass court in 6 days, our son could very well be in our arms by this time next month. FINALLY! The moment we've been waiting for. I feel like this journey is just about over and we can start living! But it all hinges on passing court in 6 days.

That is why it is hard to find peace. I want my son home! I want my son in my arms. I know we are not supposed to be anxious about anything. (heck, I've been reminding myself of that verse for the last year! I know it well!) I understand that my lack of peace and trusting God's timing is me once again thinking my way and my timing is greater than God's. I am trying to find a peaceful place to spend the next 6 days.

Please join with us in prayer over the next 6 days that everything will be in order for us to pass court while we are sleeping on Sunday night!

11 Months

2010-06-12T13:11:00.000-07:00

Today marks 11 months since we felt led to adoption. Sometimes it is hard to believe that it has almost been a year and other times it feels like we've been waiting forever. Either way, it is so nice to be nearing the finish line! It has all been so worth it. We are in the midst of the most difficult days of this process right now, and we are surviving :) It is so hard to explain how it feels to have a baby half a world away who is growing and changing and has no clue who his mommy and daddy are. I still do feel incredibly grateful that we aren't missing too much of his life!

So on this 11 month anniversary since starting this process we are just 9 days away from our court date. Hoping this next week goes by quickly! I am still doing well, but can already feel the nervousness starting. I hope and pray we pass on the first try!

I was able to put a little care package for our boy together yesterday that my wonderful blog friend Andrea will be hand delivering to our little guy when she picks up her son Isaac in 2 weeks! I couldn't figure out a way to make myself fit in the box, so I just packed a few little things. It is hard to figure out what to send to a 2 month old. The care package isn't so much for him anyhow, it is for my benefit knowing that I am getting to give something to my boy while we wait!

So we packed just a few small things for him. A little snuggy-bear and a photo album. Our agency encourages us to send a photo album to our baby and while it does seem silly to send a photo album to such a wee little one, I figured we might as well do it. If he doesn't enjoy it, maybe his special mother's will be interested in seeing what his parents look like :)

There you have it! It finally feels like summer outside! I will be having my first week of NO WORK this coming week! I am very excited to find out what that feels like :) No more getting up at 4:30 in the morning!!!

His Hands

2010-06-09T18:06:00.000-07:00

One thing we've done since we got our referral is stare at our sons pictures as often as possible. They are seriously everywhere in the house! I even have a stash in the car so when I am sitting at a red light I can look at him!

You notice everything about the picture. Like the little bit of dried milk on the side of his mouth. The contours of his lips. The little bald spot in his hair. One of the little things I notice when I get new pictures and am wondering if that really is my son (he is seriously changing and growing so fast!) Is look under his eyes. He has these adorable little lines under his eyes.

Another funny little thing I've noticed is how he always has his left hand in a fist. His other hand will be in different positions and places, but in every single picture we have of him, his left hand is in a fist.

1 week old:

2 weeks old:

6 Weeks old:

Although in this one, you can definitely tell he is growing. Not only is his hand chubbier, but he is starting to get more control of his hands - hence the "gripper" fingers!

And this one I just love because it is like he is telling us "peace" (with his right hand of course) because his left is in a fist.

In other news:

12 days until court!
1 more day of work!

1 month of seeing your face (and court update)

2010-06-04T14:55:00.001-07:00

Sweet Little Malachi,

One month ago was truly the best day of our lives! We had been waiting a long time to see your face and those final days of the wait were not easy. Getting that wonderful news was amazing! We have spent the last month staring at your precious little face and longing for the day we get to bring you home! Waiting is not getting any easier. Knowing you are getting bigger everyday, without us is not easy. Today you are 7 weeks old. I bet you look so different than the referral pictures we have of you from when you were 2 weeks old! I hope you are growing big and strong and staying healthy.

Everyone keeps asking me if I've gotten any updates on you. I keep telling everyone that no news is good news. If we hear from our case worker during this phase, it means bad news. Either you are sick or something else bad is happening. Yesterday I had this strange feeling and prayed for you all day. I was so worried that there was something wrong. I was so afraid you were sick.

Early this morning, my phone rang and I saw our case workers number. Uh oh. I was worried for you. Fortunately you are fine, but we did receive some bad news. Our court date has been pushed back a week. Had to add 6 more links to my paper chain sigh -

17 days until court
4 more days of work

I really pray we pass the first time. I am so ready to get you in my arms Malachi. My prayer was that we would pass court before your 2 month birthday, unfortunately now that will not happen but I hope soon after we will. I hope this gives all the documents that need to be at court time to get there. Waiting 2 more weeks will NOT be easy, but I can't see behind the scenes. It is better to know now, then to have our court date come and go and find out. I never thought we would have to wait 7 weeks after seeing your face for our first court date. Adoption sure is full of twists and turns :)

I just hope and pray that you legally become our son on that first attempt. We are ready and longing! It will be an honor to get to be your mommy!

We love you very very much Malachi!

Mommy

Infant Abandonment

2010-05-31T10:32:00.000-07:00

I read this article today and it hurt. Child abandonment in Ethiopia. (I hate that term for some reason). Abandonment just is not a good word, but I don't know what would be a better word to use.

To read the full article click here http://streamsofmercyblog.blogspot.com/2010/05/i-love-babies.html

Here are the excerpts that really hurt:

"The stories of the babies are tragic. In Ethiopia, a single girl who gives birth, usually can’t keep her child. This would bring great shame on her family, so there is an epidemic of abandoned babies in this nation. Our hearts broke when we heard that many of these babies are taken out to the wild and left for hyenas to eat. In the remote villages, when they hear the hyenas howling in the night, they say “a baby has just been eaten”. This is an unbelievable tragedy. "

"Jan held one of the babies abandoned in the wild. Her name is Ishtu, and her mother gave birth to her along a jungle path. After giving birth, she just walked away, and left her newborn daughter to suffer a death in the wild. An elderly woman gathering sticks found little Ishtu, and brought her to the police. In this remote city, there are no social services EXCEPT the Widow’s and Orphan’s Home. Now, the police bring these abandoned babies to this wonderful home and the babies are placed for adoption in the USA."

All throughout this journey, the paperchasing, the waiting, the prayers sent up for his birthmother - I admit that I never even considered that abandonment was a possibility. I have always heard amazing stories of getting pictures of the birth family at court and getting to meet them and ask them questions while in country. I was so excited to have answers for Malachi when he started asking about his birth family. I have even heard of situations where the families continue to write or have phone calls. I was so excited for all the possibilities and even had started a beautiful customized digital photo album for his birth family.

I didn't understand how common child abandonment cases are in Ethiopia. I thought most cases were child relinquishment cases. The number is much closer to 40/60 than the 90/10 I was thinking.

I think there are so many questions involved in abandonment cases. Questions that will never be answered. A lot of questions on the circumstances that would cause a birth mother or father to that decision. Was the mother young? Was she so poor that she didn't have a choice? Did the mother die during birth and the father not know what to do? I have to believe it is a very heavy burden for a birth parent to carry. It pains me that they will never get the closure they need and their children will never have the answers they long for. Imagine the birth mother in the story above - she probably believes her daughter either died of starvation or was eaten by a wild jungle animal. Imagine living with that, when in reality her daughter is going to be adopted by a family and be raised in America. This birth mother is carrying a burden and a heaviness that is unnecessary. I truly hurt for these birth parents who will never know. Yes, I am sure many, many abandoned children do die and that is soooo sad, but not all will and I wish their birth parents could know that their children are loved and cared for!

On a happier note. The chains are getting smaller. 15 days until court and 7 more days of work!

The Hard Days

2010-05-26T16:52:00.000-07:00

Here's a life truth for ya:

Waiting is not easy.

The last few days I have been walking around with a constant lump in my throat and aching in my heart. I finally stopped and realized this has been happening. I just want Malachi HOME!!!

This feeling is very similar to the feeling I had waiting for our referral, but MORE painful and yet way more joyful too. It is very difficult to describe. I was really hoping that since we had to wait 3 weeks to GET a court date that our court date wouldn't be 3 weeks away. All along I have prayed for a court date that we would pass so as long as we pass, I will be happy. This gives the agency's 3 more weeks to get their documents in order!!! It gives me 3 more weeks to pray!!!

It is definitely not easy to wait, but I have to trust that God knows when the right timing is to bring Malachi home. I sure do hope these next few weeks go fast!!! Tomorrow morning when I get up, I will be able to take one more paper chain off our court chain and that will put us into the teens!

Success

2010-05-25T18:35:00.000-07:00

In the beginning of 2009 we were living the American Dream! We had just sold our first home, our little condo and moved up into our first real home. We had enough free money that we could afford to travel (almost) anywhere we wanted. We were dreaming of our next Jamaican vacation or our next trip to Disneyland (our all time favorite). We had a nice car. We were busy paying off our debt so that we could "get ahead". We were both working and that was giving us a very comfortable little nest egg. We were hoping we would soon get to be parents. Peter had his dream job at the big accounting firm and life was "perfect". At 22, we were well on our way to "success".

The bad thing is, I don't think we were truly listening to God's calling in our lives. Don't get me wrong, we wanted to do God's will, but I think we were very distracted by what we wanted and "things". And you know what happened? God took it away from us. Yup, our perfect American Dream was gone. Peter lost his "perfect" job in March of 2009 and we had struggled for almost a year to get pregnant. That was a VERY difficult time for us emotionally. We are planners and we thought we knew exactly what our life was going to look like. We didn't understand why God would take something so wonderful away from us.

Then we got our perspective back. It took sometime. Some anger and tears, but ultimately (and thankfully) turned our hearts to God and remembered that He is in control.

This verse comes to mind when I think about that time in our lives.

Proverbs 19:21
Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails

I feel so foolish for getting caught in the things of this world. I look at my sweet son's face and think we almost didn't listen. We almost missed out on this amazing blessing! It breaks my heart to think that if we wouldn't have stopped trying it our own way and kept going in our own path - Malachi wouldn't be our son. Wow, just very difficult to think about.

So what IS success? Is success looking good by your neighbors perspective? Is success being able to brag about your latest travels to your friends? Is success having a nice car in your driveway? I have had to reflect on that a lot. For me (now), success is getting to heaven and hearing God say "well done!" THAT is true success! I admit submitting to God's will is not easy. It is humbling.

I feel at a place right now where I am daily having to remember God's plan for our lives. I want to and am ready to quit my job, but going from two incomes to one is a big deal. This is going to stretch us financially. We are going to have to make some sacrifices and be uncomfortable, which I believe is where God desires us to be right now. Sure I still want to go on nice vacations and have nice things, but when I look at my son's face I just think about what we could have lost. We could have lost him if we would have kept going the way we were going. We could have chosen Jamaica over him. We could have chosen to continue our debt snowball over him. We almost missed out on the greatest and best blessing in our life and I will not let that happen anymore. I want to be open to all of God's blessings in my life, even when it might seem like a new car or a new piece of furniture would be more satisfying in the short term.

There are so many things that I feel God pressing on my heart! While we are going to be losing things and vacations and cars and nicer houses - it WILL be worth it!!! I am so excited for EVERYTHING that God is putting in my heart and all the things we are yet to do! We are going to live an adventurous life - I can already tell!!!

The amazing thing is, that I can still enjoy life and live out my passions. One of my passions is traveling! Sure, the purpose of these trips may be different than always for vacation, but I can still see the world and really get to experience different places! I am so excited about that. I am so excited to SEE Ethiopia and experience Africa!!! I know Ethiopia is only the beginning. Once I can prove to myself that I can survive those long flights there just might be no stopping me :)

My other huge life passion is kids. I love kids! I can't wait to adopt a large family and I know it won't end there. Maybe we will do foster care. Maybe I will go on mission trips and spend focused time with kids around the world! I don't know, but I can't wait to find out!

I still have desire's and I believe God puts those desires in our hearts for a reason. Our passions are actually God's passions that He gave us for His purpose! I still have my struggles. There are things I struggle to give up and let go of. I struggle to think of selling my jeep and getting a cheaper car. I struggle with possibly not getting to go on our Disneyland vacation every year, but I know that these things may need to go to fulfill God's purpose. I just hope I am willing to listen.

God demands RADICAL obedience!!! If you haven't checked it out yet - read the book Radical by David Platt. It will be life-changing. Second best book next to The Bible! David Platt is a pastor at a mega-church. He saw the failure of our churches. Ugh, I am so angry at what the church has become. The place we go to be fed and grow. Anyway, not gonna go off on that one right now :) The book will change your view on the Jesus of the Bible forever! We have definitely conformed Him into the person we want Him to be so that this life is easier. If I truly want to hear God say "well done" then I have to change. His church has gone RADICAL though and they are alive and doing amazing things!!!

Seriously, read the book!!!

Court News!!!

2010-05-24T18:21:00.000-07:00

We got our court date today!!!

PRAYING that June 15th will be the day that Malachi legally and in every right becomes our son!!!

22 days and counting until court...........

10 more days of work until I am DONE!!!

Please join with us in prayer that the MOWA letter will ready by our court date. That seems to be the likely piece that could cause us to not pass court. Obviously any prayers directed to that date will be appreciated :)

We're getting closer Malachi!!!

Transition

2010-05-21T15:29:00.000-07:00

It seems like there are transitions happening everywhere. The weather outside is even a sign of transition. The weather just can't decide if it is summer yet. Last week was nice and warm and we were thinking we would need to get the air running and this week we're back to cold and raining with the heat on.

Peter and I are transitioning into our role as parents. We are doing our best to enjoy these last few weeks of just the two of us. I am enjoying my sleep and lazy weekends together.

I am in a time of transition with my job. I am completing my last few weeks of work before I become a stay at home wife for just a little while before becoming a stay at home mommy. It really is a dream come true that I will be able to stay at home with our little one's.

Malachi is in a time of transition at our agency "transition home" Hannah's Hope. This is his in between home. He doesn't know he is in a time of transition and I pray that he is growing big and strong and staying healthy! I pray that he feels loved and is bonding closely with his special mother's!

I am really looking forward to all the simple things with Malachi. I am looking forward to rocking him in the middle of the night - I am missing out on that right now and it kind of hurts. Soon he will start having his first smile's and I am missing those precious moments. But soon he will be home and I just can't wait to see his happy smile first thing in the morning (or maybe after he gets a full tummy). I have a new appreciation for all the simple things and I don't want to take my time with Malachi for granted. He is gonna grow up way to fast! I have a new level of patience that I didn't even know existed. Hopefully that patience will be put to good use in the coming years :) I know I will get tired, and grow impatient with him, but I pray that I handle those situations better then maybe I would have if all of this came easily.

No news on a court date this week. My patience is starting to wear down a bit. We have been waiting almost 3 weeks for a court date and that is on the higher end of waiting. Ethiopia is even in a time of transition right now. The elections will be happening in Ethiopia on Sunday night and then the results will be out in late June. During this time, things are a little tense and there is an increased risk of violence.

During this time a lot of the government agencies are closed which is not good when you have an impending court date. MOWA was closed this week and that is the office that REALLY has the potential to hold up our case. They have to write a letter that must be to the courts by our court date. Please join with us in prayer specifically that this letter will be prepared and that we will get our court date SOON!

Just waiting around.... (again)

2010-05-18T19:43:00.000-07:00

The adoption journey is once again quiet. The redeeming part during this quiet is that I have an adorable little guy to stare at while I wait :)

I have STILL not sunk back down into reality and I really don't want to. It is fun up here :) I have wanted this for SO LONG and knowing that potentially/hopefully in 6-8 weeks I will be united with my son it is just too sweet a thought for words!!!

It isn't easy having a baby halfway around the world, who's heart is beating, and every Friday knowing that he is 1 week older without me, but it won't be long before I will get to celebrate everyday with him!!!

Right now we are waiting for a court date. I have analyzed everyone else's referral to court timeline and on average it takes about 5 weeks, sometimes 4 or 6 weeks. So I am assuming our case will be heard at court in about 3 weeks. It will be here before I know it!

Oddly enough, I have such peace about this hearing. Our referral story was such a perfect sign from God for me in a very personal way that I have been able to live each day with a renewed trust in Him and His timing. It is hard to imagine not passing court on that first try, but I just have to trust God's timing and plan if we don't.

In the time being - I am SERIOUSLY nesting right now. I want to clean everything! I want to paint the walls! I want to rearrange my kitchen and de-clutter the rest of the house! WEIRD, I tell ya :)

I still struggle with doubts. I can't bring myself to remove the tags and wash the baby clothes. We have photos all over our house and I was just apprehensive to put our boy in frames - so afraid that this is too good to be true and may still fall apart. Over the weekend I got over it. He is our son and if we were to lose him somehow, it would still hurt and we would have to grieve that loss like any parent would. So not only does Malachi grace all the mirrors, nightstands, fridge, the car - but he graces frames all over the place too :)

I am finishing up my duties at work. It is finally almost time to start the career I have been waiting for. I have worked very hard over the last 5 1/2 years and it is nerve wracking to be making that switch to a one income family but I feel so blessed that we are in a position where I am ABLE to stay home with my boy! It is going to take sacrifice but I am confident in my frugal abilities :)

Hoping I will have a court date to share with everyone soon!!!

Malaria

2010-05-16T20:39:00.000-07:00

If $10 could save a families life would you give it?

Most of my adoption community friends know my dear friend Andrea. Andrea is a great example to me as a loving mother and also the relationship she has with our Lord. She is such an inspiration.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with her story, I recommend checking out her blog and this post in particular

http://www.babeofmyheart.com/give-thanks-to-the-lord-2/

Malaria is hitting her family in a VERY personal way. Malaria is not something we think about much here in the US, but in Africa it is a devastating KILLER.

I wish I could have done something for Isaac's birth father and now his birth mother so that they wouldn't have gotten Malaria. I really do! But we CAN do something for others who would get malaria if we didn't act.

Now is that time to ACT. My heart is burdened for the families at risk of getting malaria. It is silly. Did you know that you could buy a family a treated LIFESAVING malaria net for just $10.

So I am asking you to consider giving up something this week. Give up something and instead spend $10 to help save someones life.

Please gather around Andrea and her family and Isaac's birth mother this week and pray that God will heal her and let's DO something - lets save some lives this coming week. I know that well over 100 people a day visit this blog. If each one of us bought one net imagine how many lives could be saved!!!

Please consider reposting this and lets reach even MORE people in the coming week to give just $10 for a life saving net!

Click on this link (your donation is tax-deductible)

www.samaritanspurse.org/index.php/Giving/gift_catalog/p-143-gift-48-prevent-malaria.aspx

click on gift #20 and donate $10 to buy one life saving net.

Thank you - we CAN make a difference!!!

Malachi is 1 month old today!

2010-05-16T18:24:00.001-07:00

Today is Malachi's 1 month birthday. 1 month ago he entered this world and 1 month ago my heart was very anxious. I am at peace now, but praying that we will get to bring Malachi home soon.

Yesterday we received our travel documents in the mail. It is becoming more real that we ARE actually going to get to bring Malachi home!!! I can't wait!

Along with our travel paperwork our agency sent us these little cuties:

Our baby's birth announcement and a little bear for him :)

So I know lots of mommies like to do progress updates on their little one's for their monthly milestones. Unfortunately I am unable to........... at this time, but I did find some fun little tidbits about a 1 month olds development.

1 month olds:

are starting to track objects with their eyes

start to make real eye contact with their parents

recognize their parents voice from across the room

start to discover their hands and feet

they gurgle, coo, grunt, and hum

I also compared Malachi's weight and height from his referral paperwork to where most babies are at that stage just for fun. Not sure if the numbers we got were truly accurate, but oh well - it is occupying my time :)

Malachi would have been(on a US growth chart) in the 26th percentile for weight

Malachi would have been in the 89th percentile for height.

Tall and skinny like his daddy ;)

We long to get our little guy home. It is hard knowing he is growing and changing so much, but this is a time in which every Internationally Adoptive parent must get through. We are hoping to hear of a court date sometime this coming week.

There are more....

2010-05-14T09:00:00.000-07:00

You may remember that I kept a paperchain of where we started on the wait lists. These chains started out really long and ended with just one little chain representing our precious little boy.

These are the one's left behind and for whatever reason, I have had a hard time throwing them away. They remain a reminder that there are more out there. Over 147 million to be exact. I can't even wrap my head around that number. Sure, you might be thinking that there are just too many, but every one of them matters. Every one of them needs a father and mother. So I encourage you, if you have any desire to adopt - pray about it, think about it. You can make a difference for one, or two, or maybe even more!

I highly encourage everyone to read the book Adopted for Life by Russell D Moore.

After we made the decision to adopt we found this video online. It was such confirmation for us that we were on the right track. Check it out, this family used the same agency we used but that is not what is important. What is important is Gotcha Day - the day that Mom Dad and child are brought together!

These rings are a great reminder for me. I know we will only be able to bring so many little ones into our family, but we will always live a life of care for the orphans. We will always support orphan ministries and support adoptive families as they bring their kiddos home. We may do foster care - I don't know, but I do know that the journey for the orphans to find homes will always continue on.........

10 Months!

2010-05-12T17:02:00.001-07:00

Today marks 10 months since God called us to this journey of adoption and I have to admit that this past month has been the best month yet! One month ago I was having some serious patience issues! Waiting for our referral was so hard and the closer we got, the harder it was to wait. Thankfully that phase of the adoption is now behind us, but I have a whole new level of thankfulness for God and his direction in our lives. I am so glad that he kept nudging us and that on July 12th he confirmed that desire in both of our hearts to the point that we could ignore it no longer.

Today I had our "next steps" call with our case worker. She talked us through what we can expect through the court process and what the potential risks are. She told us to expect 2 court appointments so I am going to TRY and prepare my heart for that. She also has 2 tubs of donations that they would like us to come pick up and take to Ethiopia! Wow, we really are going to be going to Ethiopia soon!!! We are also going to be making Malachi one of those baby photo albums that he can play with. They want us to send one to him with pictures of us, pictures of him, pictures of our pets. I feel kind of silly sending one to him since he is so young, but I am excited about the opportunity to send him something!

10 months down and I finally feel like we're on the homestretch!!! My prayer is that by our 11 month mark we will have passed court and Malachi will legally be our son and we will be focusing on travel plans!

This and That......

2010-05-11T18:59:00.000-07:00

This past week has been the most incredible week of my life! Seriously, nothing in life has compared to the way I have felt this past week. I think back to one week ago today and how amazing that day was - truly the best day of our lives!!! Sure our wedding day is right up there, but this day was so much more. Last week we - Peter and I, added to our family - we are a family now!!! The last 2 years have been very difficult. We have faced a lot of difficulties and a lot of waiting. Fortunately the one constant in my life has been Peter. He has always been there and though some might be torn apart by the hardships we've faced we have only grown closer together! We have had many happy moments in our life together, but happiness just doesn't compare to how we feel right now. The only words that even come close to describing our feelings are Joy! Pure Joy!!! Joy is described as Intense and especially ecstatic or exultant happines!!! Yup!!!

The other emotion is thankfulness. I am so incredibly thankful to God for this most precious gift he has given us!!! I can not thank him enough! I think of the Garth Brooks song about thanking God for unanswered prayers and that is how I feel. If I would have gotten everything I wanted in the timing I wanted it - I wouldn't be getting my precious Malachi! I am so glad God's perspective is so much greater than mine!!! How can I ever thank God enough for the blessings he has poured out on me?!?

As you can tell my heart is overflowing with joy, thankfulness and love!!!

In other stuff. I got some new pictures of my precious boy yesterday! He is changing so much! He is just too cute for words! I printed them off and have placed all of his pictures all over my house! He's on every mirror, on the fridge, on the table, next to the bed - I love being surrounded by his pictures!

Tomorrow is our "next steps" call. Since our case worker is out of the country helping to open a new Hannah's Hope in Taiwan, the other case worker will be doing this call and I am excited for it - even though it isn't really a big one but anything that helps set the reality that we're going to be going to Ethiopia soon to get our boy makes me happy :)

What else? Oh yeah so I don't know how much you all watch Veggie Tales, but I always serenade my poor husband with silly songs. Well, for whatever reason I started singing this Veggie Tales song to Malachi:

I have just changed the "Barbara Manatee" to "Baby Malachi". It is sticking and last night Peter was even singing the echo's with me :)

Mother's Day

2010-05-09T10:41:00.000-07:00

Today is obviously Mother's Day here in the U.S. I have such mixed emotions about this day. I certainly think it is a day to celebrate the mother's in our lives but I also know the pain that this day is for many woman. It is a very painful day for woman who have been trying to become a mother. It is a very painful day for mother's who are not raising the children they birthed and I really don't think there is enough sensitivity given for these woman.

Peter wished me a Happy Mother's Day this morning. Two beautiful little Ethiopian boys gave me flowers last night for Mother's Day - and I really appreciate these gestures, but I told Peter I really don't feel like a mother yet. Peter wrote me a letter and explained to me that I am a mother. That I love Malachi more than anything and that makes me a mother. I still don't know - as I haven't changed one of Malachi's diapers, or gotten spit up on yet or done any of those motherly tasks that I could see the need for appreciation. I do love that little boy so very much though!

Today isn't about me though. Today the one woman I cannot get off my mind is Malachi's birth mom. I don't figure they celebrate Mother's Day in Ethiopia, but regardless just 3 short weeks ago she lost a part of her. She birthed a beautiful and healthy baby boy. I am sure she is still physically recovering and I am sure her heart is still hurting. She deserve's the honor, not me. I pray that God can give her peace today that her baby boy is safe and that he is already loved so soooo much!

I do feel so incredibly blessed that this beautiful little boy will be my son. But my mind is in so many different places today. I am not doing anything extraordinary. All I have ever wanted is to be a wife and mother and that dream is finally coming true. So why would I need to be honored for getting what I want out of life? Obviously my mind is in 1,000 different places today. We chose not to go to church today, and for a different reason than last year. Last year I was hurting and longing. This year while I am hurting for a woman in Ethiopia my heart is full!!! But today doesn't feel like a day of celebration for me as there is great loss accompanied with my first Mother's Day.

Watch this video - thinking of my baby boy and his birth mom http://vimeo.com/4776391

God's Faithfulness in His Journey

2010-05-07T11:05:00.000-07:00

3 days ago we first laid eyes on our beautiful baby boy! Words cannot describe how the past 3 days have felt!

1 Samuel 1:27 "For this boy I prayed, and the LORD has given me my petition which I asked of Him"

This has been a desire in our hearts for a very long time. 10 years ago, at the age of 14 God directed my heart towards adoption for some point in my adult life. I honestly figured I would be in my 30's before this desire became truth, but I am thrilled that it happened sooner. We have had so many questions over the past few years - we wanted a family. It is just incredible to look back on the past year, now knowing what we know.

We felt led to adoption on July 12th of 2009 - Around this time Malachi was just coming into existence and God knew he needed a family.

We were officially accepted into the Ethiopia program on July 22nd - Right around the time that Malachi was conceived.

On August 2nd we turned in our contracts to AGCI and were able to truly start the adoption process - right around the time that Malachi's birth mom may have noticed that she could be pregnant

On August 11th I wrote: "My heart breaks for a mother who is going to make the ultimate sacrifice." - How was Malachi's mother feeling on this day early in her pregnancy?

On August 21st this verse came to mind Romans 12:12-13 "Be glad for all God is planning for you. Be patient in trouble, and always be prayerful. When God's children are in need, be the one to help them out

On August 30th we turned in our homestudy documents. Malachi's birthmom would have been about 7 or 8 weeks pregnant. Was she sick? Was she scared?

On September 21st my fingerprints were rejected by the state of Oregon. I didn't understand why and I was so frustrated for this hold up. I knew it would put a major delay in the process. God must have known we were moving too fast. We needed to slow down - Malachi's birthmom was only around 11 weeks pregnant and she needed more time.

On September 29th God directed me to this verse Jeremiah 1:5-7 "The word of the Lord came to me, saying "Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations."
"Ah, Sovereign Lord," I said, "I do not know how to speak, I am only a child."
But the Lord said to me, "Do not say, 'I am only a child.' You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you," declares the Lord.

At this time I started praying intently for Malachi and the plans that I felt God had for Malachi's future. Malachi would have been right around 12 weeks along in utero.

On October 18th we picked a name - Malachi. After all these years of God pressing me that I would adopt a son and He would do amazing things for God and then directing me to that verse on Sepember 29th - Malachi was the perfect name - it means Messenger. Malachi would have been 14-15 weeks along in Utero. Was his birthmom starting to show? What were her thoughts at this time? Was she afraid and wondering what she was going to do?

On October 30th we got our first wait list numbers. 20 baby boys in front of us before getting to meet Malachi. We were hopeful that we would not have to wait long to see his face but we still had a ways to go. Malachi's birthmom was only 17-18 weeks pregnant at this time. Was she starting to feel those first signs of a baby moving inside her? I was certainly carrying Malachi in my heart!

On November 16th I wrote about being woken up in the middle of the night needing to pray for Malachi's birthmom. I am so curious about what was happening in her life, but all I know is my heart was breaking for her. She would have been around 20 weeks pregnant.

Christmas time was especially hard for me. I longed for my little one and my heart was broken. Malachi was about 25 weeks along, but I wanted him SOON! He still needed 15 weeks of growth to come into the world healthy (which thankfully he is!) I never thought I was going to have to wait 5 more months to meet him.

Around January 28th I was having an especially hard time with the waiting. I was miserable! I was so upset to still be waiting but on my way to work God gave me a word "Even though this journey is hard, and the road is long. I've gone before you and I am with you. You must go through this valley. Nothing compares to what is in front of you! Press on child, I am with you!!!" It was so hard to wait but God knew that we still had to wait awhile longer. Malachi's birthmom would have been almost 30 weeks pregnant. She would have been getting big and I am sure Malachi was kicking all the time. Nothing does compare to the gift God has given us.

On February 21st during another difficult stormy time God told me that He had us covered. That we will get the victory! That we will get on a plane and bring home a son! During worship we sang the words "It's the song of the redeemed, rising from the African plain". Malachi was probably about 34 weeks pregnant. Her body was getting closer and closer to preparing for labor. I am sure she was getting uncomfortable. Was she hiding her pregnancy? I bet she was scared and sad.

On March 2nd I wrote: I am trying my hardest to not be frustrated in this waiting. I know there is a greater plan and purpose that is being fulfilled in your life halfway around this world, but that doesn't make this time any easier. I just hope we don't have to wait too many more months before seeing your face. Wherever you might be right now, I pray that you are safe and healthy. I pray that God gives your birth family peace because someone halfway around this world loves you so much and is longing for you at this very moment."

I pray God gave Malachi's birthmom some comfort during this time as she was only 6 weeks away from Malachi's birth.

On March 29th - 2 1/2 weeks before Malachi entered the world I wrote

"I keep thinking about the call. I wonder what I will actually do when I see K's number on the phone. Will I be able to even think straight? How will I react when she tells us she has someone she would like to talk to us about? Will I become overcome with emotion right there in front of my co-workers? Will I be able to hold off on crying at least until I call Peter? I can't wait to hear our baby's name! I can't wait to hear what day he was born!

I know I will leave work as quickly as possible and call Peter as soon as I get out of my building! Will I even be able to utter the words to Peter (I'm sure he will be able to figure out what I'm trying to say though). Will I be able to safely drive home and maintain a legal speed limit? How will I feel after getting home and listening as Peter listens from work about our little boy. What will we be thinking? How will we process all the information as we learn about our son's health, personality, and history?

Then the moment I've been waiting for! The moment I will be able to open an email and see my baby's face! Will he have an adorable toothless grin? Will he be serious? Will he be scared? Will he have a head of thick curls? Will he look like a little old man with a little bald head? Will he have chubby little cheeks or will he be oh so tiny? I can't wait to look into his big brown eyes!!!

I find this one funny on April 12th only 4 days before Malachi was born I wrote:

Yes - I am DUE!!! It is time for me to see my little boy's face. I have dreamed of that day for so long now and I have to admit that it is hard to actually imagine that the call is coming really soon! I am trying not to think about it too much, but I admit that it is hard not to constantly be thinking about my phone ringing.

We are ready. Everything is ready and I am so hopeful and prayerful that we can and will get through before the 2 trip policy goes into place. Baby Dash is about to have a name, a face, and a birthday. How much longer will my patience hold out? The closer we get, the harder it is to wait. Oh how I pray that we don't have to wait much longer!

On April 14th - 2 days before Malachi was born - I was very restless. VERY restless. I wrote:

I know we will make it through. I will keep waiting as long as I have to. I know God will be faithful and all the pain will make seeing his sweet face and hearing those desired words "I have a little boy I want to talk to you about" so much richer! But I will continue to pray for our baby boy and wake up tomorrow with continued hope that maybe, just maybe the phone will ring!

On April 22nd we became #1. The next baby boy at Hannah's Hope would be our son. Little did we know that Malachi was only 6 days old at this time!

On April 23rd - the day Malachi arrived at HH I wrote:

No call today. We've been holding our breath all day - hoping and praying but God has different plans. Hopefully this will be the last weekend we're left hanging. I know there is a lot of envy over that top spot, I've had that same envy numerous times on this journey - but being #1 is not so much fun :)
The only thing carrying me through is the knowledge that our call IS coming very soon!!!

On April 29th I rested upon peace. I had a long conversation with my caseworker about everything. This was the day that Malachi became paper ready to meet us.

May 2nd I was in horrible shape. I was so distraught with the waiting. I had no idea that I was hours away from seeing my son!

This has been quite the journey! God's perfection has left me in awe!

Malachi

2010-05-06T12:00:00.000-07:00

Baby Malachi "S",

Since I first laid eyes on you a mere 48 hours ago I have been smitten! Truly, you have already brought your daddy and I such joy and our hearts overflow with love for you. There is no way to describe it but to say that when we look at your pictures - our chest feels like it is going to explode and it aches for you. Who knew that I could stare at your picture for hours and hours and just the simple sight of you can bring tears to my eyes!

We were so surprised to realize that you are only a couple weeks old. Tomorrow is your 3 week birthday. I wonder how you feel as get used to your life in the world. I am sorry that you have had to go through so many changes already and have traveled such great distances. I know your special mother's will take great care of you and give you lots of love! You are such a tiny boy and in your "unhappy" picture as daddy calls it (you have a curious little frown on your face with those expressive eyebrows) - you looks so tiny in that big sleeper and it makes me just want to scoop you up!

I pray about you and worry about you all the time. I worry about you getting sick and being so tiny. I worry about how you feel and if you are confused by this world. I know that you have no idea that two people halfway around the world are so in love with you. I pray that we get a quick court date and that everything will be in order so you can be in our arms soon! Lots of prayers for you sweet Malachi and there are people all over praying for you!

I hope you like your name. We put a lot of thought into your name. We had a whole list of names for you - our top contenders were: Matthew, Patterson, Shaun, Samuel, Ezekiel. But we could never agree on one. we came across another name that we had hardly considered and we BOTH liked - Malachi! You see, for years I have thought that I would adopt a son and he I have had a feeling he would do amazing things for God's kingdom. I am not pressuring you and I have no idea what those things will be - but I have been praying for a long time for you! Malachi means messenger and I pray that you will be a messenger for God wherever you go. Your Ethiopian name means bless. You are truly a blessing to us!!!

You are a precious precious boy and we want you to know just how loved you are and how badly we want you home with us! We will do anything, whatever it takes to get you home sweet boy!!!

We love you,

Daddy and Mommy

Our Beautiful Baby Boy!

2010-05-05T08:28:00.000-07:00

I have been eagerly waiting to put this on our blog - WE GOT THE CALL!!!

And yes, it was worth it - every difficult day over the last few years made sense and it was SO worth it for this little guy!!! My heart overflows with LOVE!!!

So back to the call:

As you are very aware if you read my blog - the last few months and weeks have been so difficult for me. Emotionally it has been very hard to wait on the Lord. In my head, I have always known there was a reason and there would be a perfect time when we knew why we were having to wait so long - but my heart was a whole other story. I wanted my son home! In my heart I knew there are millions upon millions of orphans in this world and I didn't like waiting.

The past week and a half of waiting at number one has been excruciating. The weekends were the worst as I knew there was no hope of meeting my son on those days. It all came to a head on Monday for me emotionally. I couldn't handle the waiting anymore. It was too hard. Little did I know, that the time of testing was almost over and I was only hours away from seeing my son's face!

I woke up on Tuesday, May 4th with hope. A renewed trust and peace in God. I was desperate and hopeful that maybe it would be the day! I also knew that if 4 PM hit and I hadn't gotten the call that I was going to have a very difficult night. So I prayed that God would answer my prayers TODAY. Even Peter the night before as we were praying in bed asked God to not make me wait one more day (he knew just how hard it was becoming for me).

AS the morning was wearing on at work, I spent lots of time praying. It is so hard to continue to have faith that God is with you as the tough times continue on. He has been so quiet in my life lately and has just felt distant as I have sought Him. But today, I just felt His warmth and Him telling me to trust Him. I felt like He was asking me to test Him. My first thought was "God, I know we are not supposed to test you. and that you are Sovereign." So I just told Him what would be perfect timing in case He wanted to act :)

Lately it seems like all of my friends have been getting their calls very late in the day. A morning referral would be a surprise. All along Peter has said how perfect a referral would be around 11:00. He would be halfway through his workday and we would have most of the day in front of us to get stuff done. I am also on lunch at that time so it would be perfect for me too! So I told God the perfect time would be between 11:00 and 11:15. From that point on I prayed and trusted that God could do - if HE wanted to!

11:00 came and I went on lunch. I continued to pray and stare at the clock that was moving slowly. I looked at the clock at 11:08 and was thinking it was almost 11:15. I put my phone in my hand and said a quick little prayer to God. I put it back down and at 11:10 it rang and the number was AGCI. I knew it could just be my number update call, but I grabbed it and ran outside really quick!

My case worker said Hi and asked how we were doing. I told her good and tried to cooly ask her how she was doing. She said good and told me that she had some things she wanted to talk with me about. I said okay and was silently thinking man this is taking awhile to get the point - tell me what's up :)

Then she said it! She said "Well, I have a baby boy here I want to talk to you about!"

I chocked back tears as I thought about how faithful God was to me! How much He loves us and how much this little timing miracle meant to me! We had a baby boy!

Our caseworker told me to "keep breathing" :)

As my mind was still in a fog, she asked me if we needed to conference Peter in. I said, yes. I asked her if I could call her back in just a few minutes so I could get somewhere else. (I was going to ask her to call me back in like 5 minutes, but I didn't want to have to wait for her to call me back :) Right before she hung up, I asked her "Can you at least tell me his birthday?" I have been so curious about his birthday! She told me April 16th and I got all chocked up again - 2 weeks old!!!

I called Peter really fast and he didn't answer his work phone. I called his cell phone and he finally answered after several rings. I asked him if was ready to meet his son and told him that Kiersten would be calling him in a few minutes.

I grabbed all my stuff quickly and logged off the computer. I went to my bosses office and he wasn't there so I told a co-worker that the call came and I had to go. He was like "You're going to Ethiopia?" I told him no, I just had paperwork I needed to get started on.

I walked by our lunchroom and told all my friends that I had a baby boy! They all got up and hugged me and cried :)

I got to my car where I already had a note pad and pen on the seat all ready for when the call came! I called Kiersten back and she conferenced Peter in. We spent the next 30 minutes hearing all about our son! His name (I loved that she kept referring to him by his name!), His birthdate. His medical and background information. In all the excitement it was very hard to hear about the loss our son has already endured in his life. He has a real and difficult story and it isn't fair.

After hanging up she told me she was going to send pictures. Peter was going to wait around at work until our referral packet was ready. I drove the 8 minute drive home, overwhelmed thinking about my son! I couldn't wait to see his face.

I got in the house and first sent the file to Peter which was a bad idea because he got to see our son first :) He uses gmail and it automatically has the files downloaded where as I had to wait to see him.

He is beautiful. I know every mother says that but seriously - he is so handsome. Just perfect. Beautiful eyes, expressive eyebrows, perfect nose. Adorable little mouth. Beautiful curls! He is perfect and he definitely melted his mommy's heart!

God's timing WAS perfect and I knew it would be - it was just hard to wait. Through the frustration of waiting through a very slow December. The excitement of moving closer in January. The slow February. The hopeful March. The excruciating April. He was still growing bigger and stronger in his birth mothers tummy. I could only see a part of the picture God was painting!

God led us to adoption on July 12th of 2009. We waited 296 days to meet our son. The average pregnancy is 280 days. Is that God's perfection or what? Our son was just coming into existence when we felt led to adoption. God knew this little guy needed a mommy and daddy and God knew we were longing for a child! His perfect plan!!!

So now what?

We are in the midst of a big pile of paperwork. We still have a chance of meeting the one trip deadline but honestly we are not concerned about meeting it. We are ready to go twice if we need to. We got International Pediatrician approval last night. We got Social Worker approval this morning. We finished our transition plan last night and we just completed our Transition Phone Call this morning. We have been BUSY! Tonight we need to get all the documents notarized and then we will be done!!!

Please keep our son in your prayers! He is very young and that scares this mommy :) We are already praying intently that we will pass court on the first try so we can get him in our arms ASAP!

Every Day is Harder

2010-05-03T16:58:00.001-07:00

I keep trying to tell myself that everyday that passes brings us one day closer to our son. The truth is, that every day that passes is another day of waiting we didn't account for. When we started we did not anticipate that our little guy wouldn't be home by now. In fact I would have thought you were crazy if you told me that on May 3rd I would still be waiting for my referral. When we were wait listed families were averaging between 1-4 months on the wait list for a baby boy - and now we're over 6 months. It isn't that big of a deal - we fully understood that adoption changes in an instant. We are just ready!

It is hard to continue to pray when you feel like you are being ignored. I don't know why it happens, but there are times where I feel like God is quiet and kind of distances himself from your situation - it is a time of testing I guess. This is one of those times where I really wish God would make himself more known to me, because sometimes I feel so alone in the waiting. Waiting just doesn't make sense from my perspective and I need God to help give me His perspective.

I know it is almost over. I know that as early as tomorrow this could all be behind me and that I could be on cloud 9!!!! I just thought it would be good to document just how difficult this is and just how hard it is to wait on the Lord!

The majority of referrals have been going out in the afternoon. That stinks. We get up at 4:30 in the morning to go to work and realistically I just don't expect to get that referral until after 1:30 or 2:00. That is a long time to be waiting for the possibility of even waiting for the phone to ring :)

I have to remind myself that I can only see a part of what is happening. I can only see from my eager location. I can't see what is happening in Ethiopia to get our son, the one God has chosen to join our family, into our arms! I know this little guy must be something VERY special to keep us waiting this long to meet him!!! Here are some words from a song that always seems to be playing in the background when I need a reminder: (Guess God might not be as distant as I feel He is)

God is God

God is God and I am not
I can only see a part
of the picture He's painting.
God is God and I am man
So I'll never understand it all
For only God is God

Can I form a single mountain?
Take the stars in hand and count them?
Can I even take a breathe without God giving it to me?
He is first and last, before everything that has been
Beyond all that will pass

God is God and I am not
I can only see a part
of the picture He's painting.
God is God and I am man
So I'll never understand it all
For only God is God.

I have also been overwhelmed for grief for Dash's birth family. I am so close and so excited to meet my son, but their loss is indescribable. I hate that our gain has to be their loss. I hate that the world is filled with children living in orphanages and there will never be enough families willing to help them. 7% of Christians adopting - that is all it would take to have 0 orphans. Unreal!!! I hate that Dash will forever have a missing spot in his heart. It is not fair that an infant child should have to lose so much. It is just not fair.

An "I'm tired of waiting" - distraction post

2010-05-01T22:45:00.001-07:00

Since I am doing everything possible to make this weekend fly by I thought it would be fun to post a little meme of useless information about me:

The things that I have done are in BOLD

99 Things About Me

1. Started your own blog – Yes, a few
2. Slept under the stars -- I've slept on a friends trampoline
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to DisneyWorld -- Disneyland is better though!
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child Almost :)
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill since I am quitting in a couple weeks I can admit to this!
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice -
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run in my backyard :)
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David --
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa - will very very soon!!!
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight Jamaica with my honey - best time!!!
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie - I was on rambling rod, but that probably doesn't count
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving -
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been a passenger on a motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book --
81. Visited the Vatican -
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Kissed a stranger at midnight on New Year’s Eve
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating -
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury -
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Got a tattoo
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit -
98. Owned a cell phone -- lol
99. Been stung by a bee

On the edge

2010-04-29T16:34:00.000-07:00

Ever feel on the edge?

God has taken us "to the edge" this week.

We are only one week away from the new law going in to place in Ethiopia. We were/are so close. We are on the edge.

This has been a rough week of wondering if we would make it or not.

We've dealt with a full range of emotions - anger, frustration, sadness, burdened, isolated, scared, tired, anxious, impatience, overwhelmed, doubtful, disappointment - and lots of STRESS.

Seriously my face is breaking out and I have eaten way to many sweets :)

Finally yesterday we rested upon peace. We know that God knows best but believing it is hard. Yesterday was the first day we felt like everything would be okay in the end. Today I have felt the same way - we will all be okay. God has taken us to the edge. Can he still get us through in time - of course! Will he - I don't know. I was thinking about being on the edge today. There are times in life that God takes us to the edge, just to see how much we trust him. We're on the edge and we are finally in that place of surrender to his will. Today I asked him this question "God, are we good with being on the edge, or are you going to make us jump?"

We never wanted to be the first. We liked that everything was laid before us in Ethiopia. Many had walked this road before us and we had a pretty good idea of what was going to happen. That is no more. Now we are likely to be the first. I think God is asking us to jump - and watching to see if we will trust him. OF COURSE WE WILL JUMP!!! We will jump as many times as we need to in order to get Dash home!

We will be one of the first to meet our son before he is legally ours. We will be one of the first to go before a judge and declare our desire to adopt in Ethiopia - that is exciting! I am excited to actually get to be a part of this and go before a judge and say YES! I want him to be MINE! So many new experiences and for that I am excited! An adventure!

Do I want to get on an airplane twice - NO! Do I want to say goodbye to my son for several weeks - NO WAY! But I am glad that Ethiopia is making changes for the better of the program. I don't know how we are going to afford the two trips, I don't know much of anything about the itinerary or anything, but it will all work out!

I talked in great length with my caseworker about it all today. There is still a lot that is unknown that everyone is trying to figure out and I imagine we will be having LOTS of conversations in the coming weeks!

I did ask her about referrals. She did confirm that we really are #1 :) And she said that referrals are still moving smoothly and promised that if a monthly update call is necessary next month that she will shoot me an email before calling so I don't have a heart attack :) Here's to hoping that call comes tomorrow - I don't want to wait through another weekend.

I remember back to 6 months ago when we were wait listed. I knew we needed to be on the list for a reason at that specific time. We only had 2 days to get our home study approved, get our parameters changed to include siblings and have our dossier approved. There was just NO WAY that we were going to make it in time, but I prayed so hard and others prayed so hard and we made it! It was a miracle and God put us in that place for a reason. Now maybe that reason was so that we could make it in right under the wire for this 2 trip policy. Or maybe God did that to show me that He is with us and He has a bigger plan! Remembering that miracle today is getting me through. God has a greater plan! Maybe we needed to be on the list that week to get in under the wire, or maybe we needed to be on the list that week so we could pioneer and go on an adventure that would stretch us.

So is God asking us to trust him to the edge or is He asking us to jump in? We will see soon!

Help!!!

2010-04-25T16:14:00.000-07:00

Please consider helping us get our kids home! We have come up with some great adoption products that I hope you will like and consider purchasing. For every item purchased you will get one puzzle piece. If you blog about us you could also get one puzzle piece. so far we have 63 of the 1000 puzzle pieces claimed - so plenty more up for grabs :)

A wonderful friend designed this adorable giraffe onesie for us and I just know that some of you mommies out there would love to have one for your little one :)

We will be selling the onesies for $10 (plus 5 dollars shipping per order) and it ALL will go towards getting Dash and Chip home!

Without writing:

With writing:

For the white onesie At this time we have all sizes available from o-3 months all the way up to 24 months! You can have it made with either writing or no writing!

The green onesies we have 4 onesies in 6-9 month and 2 in 3-6 month size.

The yellow onesies we have 3 available in 3-6 month and 2 available in 6-9 month.

If demand is high enough we will make more!

We have 12-24 month t-shirts available (instead of onesies) in gray, pink, and blue.

We also have toddler and kids size shirts for sale for $12 (plus 5 dollar shipping)

We have yellow toddler girl tank tops 2T-5T

and green and white kids shirts small through large!

If you are intersted in buying a children's shirt or onesie please click on the chip in donation button. In the comment section be sure to put what sizes you would like to order and the shipping address.

If you are ordering more than one shirt you will only need to pay the $5 shipping once! So any size under 24 months is $10 Any size over 24 months would be $12!

Keeping Busy

2010-04-24T14:46:00.000-07:00

We are trying to make it through the weekend as productively as possible. We were going to spend today washing the car and pulling weeds but it a very windy, although sunny day. We are big seasonal allergy sufferers and allergy's and wind do not mix. So instead, we decided to be productive inside.

My blogger friend Andrea who just got her referral for Baby Isaac a couple weeks ago had some great suggestions for things to get done before referral because things can get a little crazy after referral! Since our referral is coming soon (hopefully) we figured now is a great time to get these things done.

Andrea posted a link to some awesome adoption related video's. Most of them are videos from the author of the book The Connected Child - she is fabulous. I have been listening and typing notes all morning :)

Here is a link to one of her video's http://www.vimeo.com/4013209 The other video's are on the sidebar of the video and I highly recommend listening while you wait for your referral - such great advice!!!

I also started working on Dash's birthmother or birthfather photo album. I really want to make this special and I don't want to rush through it. We left plenty of pages to fill with all the photo's we get of Dash. There are lots of great websites you can use to make photo books. We are using Walgreen's and it is so simple. Upload the photos you want to use and before you know it you have a beautiful photo book. We are going to order 2 of the books, that way Dash can keep one and can see what information his birthparent knows about his life. We hope to take Andrea's advice and add some Amharic scriptures to the pages, once we know if his birthfamily speaks Amharic or not. I also love Andrea's idea of printing some extra photos of our little guy and placing them in the book, that way she can have some physical photos to hold in her hand. These very well could be the only photos she ever gets of her son and I want to help her remember him as much as I can.

The book is 20 pages. We got hard cover, with a page protector so hopefully it will hold up over time. I tried to put myself in her shoes and what I would want to know and see if I were her. It was hard, because since it is only Peter and I right now, we don't have family pictures to add - just us, so they might get sick of seeing our face :)

We also put in pictures of our parents, since grandparents will play an important role in Dash's life. We put pictures of Dash's room and some of the inside and outside of our house.

We put a section for Peter - a picture of him with his brothers and some of his interests - a picture of him running track.

I have a section of me with my brothers and SIL and niece's. Some pictures of me with my niece's and a picture of playing basketball in high school. I thought it might be better to visually show some of our interests instead of trying to write it due to the language barrier.

I thought it might be good to have some pictures of the area in which we live. SO we have a photo of a map of the US with Oregon highlighted and then put some pictures of the beautiful northwest - the mountains, the ocean etc.

We still have some space with more pictures needed but I am not sure what else to add. I have definitely left room for all of Dash's referral photos. I am just curious about what other's have done? Anyone have any suggestions on what we should say (if anything) and what other pictures might be of interest to his birthfamily?

It is emotionally difficult to put something like this together. I can't imagine how hard it will be to write the letter to his family. I just want his family to know we care about them and will forever have a link to them. My heart truly goes out to them.

Still waiting over another weekend

2010-04-23T15:59:00.001-07:00

No call today. We've been holding our breath all day - hoping and praying but God has different plans. Hopefully this will be the last weekend we're left hanging. I know there is a lot of envy over that top spot, I've had that same envy numerous times on this journey - but being #1 is not so much fun :)
The only thing carrying me through is the knowledge that our call IS coming very soon!!!

The Journey to Motherhood

2010-04-22T16:42:00.000-07:00

Whew, what a long journey we've been on. Getting here, to the coveted #1 spot has not been easy.

I've been fingerprinted 4 times. Had to get child abuse checks, local background checks, state background checks, FBI background checks and then ANOTHER FBI check to appease USCIS. All to prove that I am fit to be a mother.

I've had to go the doctor to prove that I am medically fit to be a mother. I've had to give my Body Mass Index to people I don't know just to prove that I am physically fit enough to parent a child.

I've had to talk for hours with a woman I just met. I've had to divulge answers to personal aspects of my childhood, my health, and my relationship with my husband. All to prove that I am emotionally stable enough to care for a child.

I've had to allow someone to go through every room in our house. We've had to prove we have a fire extinguisher and that there are smoke alarms in every room in the house. We've even had to make an evacuation plan - all to prove our home is able to make a safe haven for a child.

I've had to share every little detail of our finances. We've had to run around and gather documents from banks and employers to prove that we are financially stable enough to provide for a child.

I've had to have 6 friend and family references share private letters to our social worker. All to give their opinion on whether I would be fit to be a mother.

I've spent 6 months on a list waiting and dreaming about my child's precious little face.

I've endured the pain of waiting over the holiday's. The ache of the missing link to our family on Christmas morning.

I've endured a frustrating 6 week pause in referrals due to the transition home moving.

I've endured a birthday of wishing that the call would come soon!

I've endured huge changes in the Ethiopia program and wondering how that will affect our adoption.

I've endured a wait of 20 little boys to get to this place! All to be a mommy to a precious little boy! We know we're gaining the ultimate and most precious prize and that makes everything we've had to endure over the last 9 months oh so worth it!!!

We are beyond ready. We've passed all the tests, we've persevered through the rough times and now it is almost time! ring phone ring!!!

#1

2010-04-22T04:55:00.000-07:00

Then there was one:

Praying the call come's SOON!!!!

Help!!!

2010-04-20T18:23:00.000-07:00

This waiting sucks - just an FYI! I know, I am supposed to be patient and I am really trying my hardest, but I've always been honest and I'm not going to censor myself or lie now :)

I'm hanging in there as best as I can. I know my dreams will come true soon and that is what gets me up in the morning! Peter called me today (usually I call him) and I just about had a heart attack (which is why I've told everyone to avoid calling me!) My knees got weak, my hands started shaking, my heart skipped a beat! Okay, I know I SHOULD react that way every time I see my husband's number on the caller ID, but just this once I was secretly hoping it was a call about another guy!

So there's been a song that has been on my heart during this tough phase of waiting. Every time I hear it, it is a great reminder to keep the faith.

You gotta check it out here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1JBSQMkQEo It just helps set my mind at ease and that nothing is impossible if we have faith! This journey is scary and really hard but so worth it!

In OTHER news:

Being a part of the AGCI family opens us up to some great benefits. One of which is our agency's listserv. I have met so many amazing new friends and have also gotten the perks of lots of advice.

One of the topics of discussion recently was on getting help when you come home. I have been told to take all the help I can get, but that is not me. I am going to seriously have to let go and take the help that is offered. The thing is, I always want to take care of myself. I hate asking for or accepting help (hence why fundraising really does make me cringe).

Like when Peter and I were super sick a couple weeks ago. We DID need some help, but I was stubborn and wanted to handle things myself. I had my mother-in-law who was offering to run to the store for us but I'm sitting there, feeling terrible talking to her, hoping I will feel better soon so that I could go to the store. I finally did suck up my pride and let her get us some Gatoraid!

So the main topic on the listserv was accepting help because we are going to need it! There was lots of great and practical advice and I thought I would share some of it here:

Help with meals: Having meals brought into your home is helpful. I have filled the freezer with meals but it sounds like we will need more. Those first several weeks sound crazy and you're still dealing with jet lag so meals will be helpful.

Laundry: Now this one, I don't know if I can let someone do. I have heard laundry help is wonderful but we shall see.

Grocery Shopping: This one sounds nice! The advice with a newly adopted child is to "cocoon" and that includes trips to the store. The busyness of the store can be traumatic on an adopted child so we need to be cautious with trips out. Another helpful tip is to give someone a list before you leave for Ethiopia to get while you are gone, that way you can come home to a house stocked with grocery's - great tip!!!

Cleaning: Ugh, there is where my pride goes away. I expect to keep my house clean. But it sounds like if you don't ask for help - you will lose total control of your home. So I promise, if someone offers to help with some housework, I will accept the help.

The Extra's: People who call when they are up town and offer to grab you something. Family who is at the store and asks if you need anything. Offering to pick up a treat while they are out. On second thought, maybe we should charge our families a small admission fee to come over ;) Another great tip I saw, was to have whoever picks your family up from the airport to pack some snacks in the car. It sounds like we will be exhausted and hungry (I'm always hungry when I get off a plane) and a few little things to snack on while driving home sounds like a great idea!

So looking forward to being home with Dash! We can't get him home fast enough! That phone has got to ring soon right?

Painful Waiting

2010-04-14T17:11:00.000-07:00

I have heard many ways that people describe the days leading up to your referral. Some of the words I have heard to describe this time are:

Difficult
Very Hard

Dark

unbearable
anxious

Yep, those are the right words.

I seriously think the emotional difficulty of adoption is something you just can't comprehend until you go through it. You can "think" it is going to be hard, but it is harder. Being on a wait list is hard, but being at the front is worse (sorry to all you families behind us in line) and I honestly didn't think it was going to get any harder even though people told me it would be! Well, they were right! I am really struggling with waiting on God right now.

I try, I have conversations all day with Him. I know He is faithful. I know I can only see a part of the bigger picture. I pray constantly but all I hear are.............. crickets. By the end of the day I'm warn out and beaten down. My heart hurts and I just don't know how I am going to get up tomorrow and endure the waiting again. I know this sounds dramatic - but truly this deep longing to know my child is real and very painful.

I know we will make it through. I will keep waiting as long as I have to. I know God will be faithful and all the pain will make seeing his sweet face and hearing those desired words "I have a little boy I want to talk to you about" so much richer! But I will continue to pray for our baby boy and wake up tomorrow with continued hope that maybe, just maybe the phone will ring!

9 Months

2010-04-12T20:39:00.000-07:00

Today - April 12th is 9 months.

Yes - I am DUE!!! It is time for me to see my little boy's face. I have dreamed of that day for so long now and I have to admit that it is hard to actually imagine that the call is coming really soon! I am trying not to think about it too much, but I admit that it is hard not to constantly be thinking about my phone ringing.

We are ready. Everything is ready and I am so hopeful and prayerful that we can and will get through before the 2 trip policy goes into place. Baby Dash is about to have a name, a face, and a birthday. How much longer will my patience hold out? The closer we get, the harder it is to wait. Oh how I pray that we don't have to wait much longer!

Now do I sound like a big ole' over due mommy-to-be or what?!?!

April Numbers

2010-04-09T12:27:00.000-07:00

Even though March felt like a really slow moving month, I am so happy to see that it was not! The last few weeks of March were really slow, but the first few weeks were awesome. With that being said I give you our April Wait List numbers:

The Girls List we moved 6 spots to number:

On the siblings list we moved 3 whole spots to number:

And on the boys list we moved 4 more spots to number:

But in the past week we've moved 2 more spots to make us number:

SO CLOSE! It is still sinking in that we have a baby who has been born! I think with not experiencing pregnancy it is difficult to completely grasp that there is a little life out there that is part of our family. Being #2 it has completely sunk in and I can hardly sleep at night. Ethiopia is 12 hours ahead of us and so when I try to lay down for bed, I know my baby's day is just beginning. I am constantly praying for him and that all of his paperwork would be in order quickly so we can get his referral. I hate thinking that he is probably in an in between stage right now. Not with his birth family but not with us either.

I try to get my mind to rest at night, but I just can't stop thinking about him. My heart is restless. I keep picturing his tiny little hands and someone rocking him to sleep at night. I know he is in excellent care at HH, but it doesn't make waiting any easier. Oh, how I hope I get to see his sweet little face soon!!!

Keeping My Composure

2010-04-08T11:18:00.000-07:00

What a crazy last few days!

After getting our travel vaccines we both had a pretty horrible time. Peter started getting really sick in the middle of the night on Tuesday night and I was sick by morning. We were both very miserable. Now for anyone who has not had travel shots yet, please don't be nervous - I really think we just had a very rare reaction to them.

I was so miserable. I also have arthritis in my back and being that sick was also really killing my back. I called around to different doctors, the urgent care clinic, the travel clinic and no one was willing to help us. It was so frustrating. Finally I called my mom and asked her if she had any ideas. I think she got her mama bear going and called the same doctors office I called earlier that told us they wouldn't help us and got us an appointment. I really did not want to have to go to the doctor because I was so miserable and was throwing up like every 20 minutes! Peter was doing somewhat better by this time and he drove me there, while I was in tears the whole time because I was so afraid I was going to get sick in the car or in the doctor's office. God really helped me and I did not get sick there thankfully! The doctor made sure I didn't have a kidney infection or anything and he told me that the worst was probably over and we left with a prescription for some anti-nausea pills. These things were a lifesaver. I had to fight hard to keep it down, but within 20 minutes or so I felt so much better! Peter took one too since he was still feeling a little queasy and we were both knocked out from them, but that was alright. We were both running fevers last night and were freezing but we both were finally able to get some rest and are finally able to keep some fluids and foods down today!

So besides that little miserable adventure we have some great news! We are unofficially #2!!! Yes! I am so excited! We ARE going to see our son's face very soon! I really can't even keep my composure when I think about this anymore. We are so close. This journey has been difficult. The paperwork was stressful and frustrating. This waiting has been so trying on us emotionally but it is almost over. We really could get the call any day. The realization that I am homebody's mommy just puts me on cloud 9. I have wanted this for so long. I can't wait to see his precious face and know his birthday! I just don't think anything can ruin this mood I am in right now! Although, after another week of waiting, my opinion might change :)

Travel Vaccines

2010-04-06T19:00:00.001-07:00

Yesterday was the dreaded vaccination day. This was probably the single most dreaded step in the adoption process for us! Peter hates needles and wasn't a big fan of spending a ton of money on this step. I just hated the idea of getting several different things injected into my body.

But it had to be done! So we made the appointment and counted down the days. We were both pretty nervous driving up to the appointment last night. Our appointment was set for 7:30 at the travel clinic in Portland. The clinic was running way behind last night and we were the very last people to get called back around 8:45. We met with the doctor. She talked about Ethiopia and gave us some good info. She wrote us some prescriptions and then helped us decide what vaccines we needed. I was fortunate in that I did not need an adult dose of polio or a tetanus booster. My final count was 3, not too bad at all. I was to get Yellow Fever, Meningitis, and Hep A. Peter did not make out as well and he needed the polio and tetanus boosters so his count was 5! We were also given some typhoid pills to take in the coming weeks. They said Peter definitely took the cake for most shots that day - my mans a stud :)

After that, we went back out in the waiting room while they got ready to poke us. We also had to pay our bill at this time. Over $1100 for curious minds!!! Double Ouch!!!

Then they called us back and it was time to take a few deep breathes - it was almost over! They sent Peter into one exam room and me into one down the hall. My first one was Hep A - apparently it had a lot of serum and it didn't feel to great. Besides a flu shot, it has been a long time since I have been vaccinated so I guess I forgot how they hurt. The Meningitis went in without problem. Then it was time for the dreaded shot - the Yellow Fever shot! The nurse said it would feel like a bee sting as she pressed it into my muscle. Then it was over! I was done! I picked out a sucker :) and then waited for her to fill out my Yellow Fever card that we need to take with us when we travel.

I went back out in the waiting room and waited for Peter to finish up. It wasn't too long and he came back out. They made us sit out in the waiting room for awhile to make sure we weren't having any reactions to the shots. By the time we left, even the doctors had left! The nurses were super nice and were so excited that we were adopting!

We came back and got some pictures of our battle scars. Poor Peter had 2 band-aids in one arm and 3 in the other!

Oh yeah, we're tough!!!

We weren't sure if we would have any side effects or not. The first sign we were having a reaction was this morning. We have been exhausted all day! Not just tired, but that drowsy feeling you get when you take Benedryl. Apparently the Hep A vaccine can cause this side effect. I am also having a reaction to the Yellow Fever vaccine. Apparently in about 25% of people the vaccine can cause body aches. I have had a couple bouts today of really bad body aches. My back and my ribs have hurt really bad. Fortunately when I take tylenol that really helps! The paperwork says they will last 5-10 days - I really hope that is not the case!!!

So there you have it. Overall, not a horrible experience. We're glad to have it behind us and to move forward. We are ready to go to Ethiopia now :)

Easter

2010-04-03T21:49:00.000-07:00

Our little boy is always on our minds these days but definitely so during the holidays!

Tonight we colored Easter Eggs. We got some really cute pictures with the letters of the baby's name on eggs. But since Peter is still holding out on telling people his name, you get the backside of the letters for now :)

It will be a lot of fun to have Dash here for Easter next year! I am sure he will get to partake in his first family egg hunt next year. But based on the forecast for Easter this year, we are lucky we don't have any little one's ;)

Remembering God's sacrifice this weekend. His sacrifice was great and now we get to partake in the most amazing reward! Being adopted into God's family is the BEST!!!

Ugh

2010-04-01T16:22:00.000-07:00

Yep, today is an UGH day.

No referrals this week - major bummer. I had such high hopes. Remember a few weeks ago when I posted that update from our agency and it showed how many referrals went out that week? How amazing the movement was. Well, this week it wasn't so impressive. It said - 1 toddler boy referral in the past 2 weeks and that was it. Great for the family who got that referral, but not so great for the rest of us. That means that after 2 weeks we're still #4. I gotta believe that there is going to be lots of movement in the next couple weeks right? Slow times are followed by fast times right?

Right?

Monday is coming. It is just really hard to be patient right now. We are hearing lots of different rumors about the 2 trip policy. We've heard that cases need to be submitted by May 9th and we've also heard rumors that they need to be submitted by May 21st. I don't know what is accurate. I appreciate that our agency just straight up tells us they don't know yet and won't tell us until they know for sure! First I was really upset that we had to travel twice, then I was disappointed that I thought we didn't have to travel twice. Now I am so unsure. I would love to go soon and be with my son, but if we have to travel twice that means our referral is still over a month away. So either way, I think it looks like we will be going to Ethiopia around June! June is not all that far away!

I just want to see my baby's face. I want to know he is safe and sound at HH and that he is getting wonderful care while he waits for us. This unknown about where he is at or what is happening is really difficult. I can't really explain how it feels to be where we are right now. In talking with my caseworker yesterday she was saying that this pain we're experiencing. This longing and this frustration are all amazing parts of this journey. She says if it didn't hurt, if it wasn't hard then it wouldn't be so rich when we get to bring him home. I know that is going to be true, but it does not make sitting here waiting for phones to ring any easier!

Oh well, gotta make it through another weekend. (Who would have thought I would say that, I hate the work week!)

5 Months

2010-03-31T16:33:00.000-07:00

Yesterday marked our 5th month of waiting. Honestly, it's hard to believe we've had to wait this long. The good news is that all the families in front of us have been getting their referrals between 5-6 months (actually more like 5-5 1/2 months) on the wait list. So we SHOULD be in our final month of waiting!!!

But honestly, my heart hurts. I am trying to keep hope that God can move the mountains in front of us, but here we sit - silently waiting. I had a call with our case worker today and she said that Almaz had a 10 1/2 hour meeting with all the other agency's in Ethiopia and with the courts yesterday. It is for sure that 2 trips will be implemented but what is not sure is when the 2 trips will be implemented. They are just busy trying to get as many families through on the one trip policy as possible. I have been praying for a miracle that somehow we would get our referral really soon so that the 2 trips won't even be an issue. The rumors (gotta love rumors) are saying that the change will go into effect in mid-May. So we REALLY need our referral! Please pray with us that lots of referrals will go out in the coming weeks, not just for us but lets get as many families through as possible on the one trip ruling.

How will it be?

2010-03-29T19:29:00.000-07:00

So close, but I don't know how close. The call could come tomorrow, or it could come in a couple months. That is the toughest part right now. Not knowing how much longer we will be waiting. I'm praying that amazing things happen and that our call comes very soon, but there are no guarantees. At least in pregnancy you get a due date. I wish I had a due date!

I keep thinking about the call. I wonder what I will actually do when I see K's number on the phone. Will I be able to even think straight? How will I react when she tells us she has someone she would like to talk to us about? Will I become overcome with emotion right there in front of my co-workers? Will I be able to hold off on crying at least until I call Peter? I can't wait to hear our baby's name! I can't wait to hear what day he was born!

I know I will leave work as quickly as possible and call Peter as soon as I get out of my building! Will I even be able to utter the words to Peter (I'm sure he will be able to figure out what I'm trying to say though). Will I be able to safely drive home and maintain a legal speed limit? How will I feel after getting home and listening as Peter listens from work about our little boy. What will we be thinking? How will we process all the information as we learn about our son's health, personality, and history?

Then the moment I've been waiting for! The moment I will be able to open an email and see my baby's face! Will he have an adorable toothless grin? Will he be serious? Will he be scared? Will he have a head of thick curls? Will he look like a little old man with a little bald head? Will he have chubby little cheeks or will he be oh so tiny? I can't wait to look into his big brown eyes!!!

Yes, this special day is consuming a lot of my thoughts. It has been a dream for so many months now and to think that it will be a reality soon is almost unreal! I am looking forward to experiencing it. Having a birthday, a name, an adorable little face! We are so ready!!!

We only have a few families left in front of us and every day is getting harder! I really think I'm going crazy!!! Come on referrals!!! I am ready for this dream that has been in my heart for 10 years to be a reality!!!

Faith

2010-03-28T17:57:00.001-07:00

I've been thinking a lot about Faith lately. Faith and Hope, but right now - Faith and God's Faithfulness! God has been Faithful to us throughout this entire process. He really has been. Even when my faith hasn't been where it needs to be - He's remained faithful.

I've been doing some research on Faith and I thought I might share a little of it. You see, I used to have great faith when I was little. I still remember having that childlike faith in God, but somehow when we (or at least I) start to doubt God's faithfulness. He is still there, He's always faithful and yet it is harder to have faith that He is capable.

So I'm jumping out in faith this week. I have some hopes and I am trying to find my inner faith and trust that God can and will be faithful in the coming week!

Here is a quote I liked on faith:

"Faith may be defined briefly as an illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable."
------ H. L. Mencken

Today as I was talking to Peter on this subject and my hopes he responded with this very popular verse on faith:

Matthew 17:20 He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.

And sometimes I feel God saying this to me:

Matthew 14:31 Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?"

So in this week to come I'm trying to have some faith. There are so many people speaking out and praying on our behalf right now - in faith that God can make this happen. So it is time that I have faith too. It is time for me to trust and believe that anything is possible with God. So I'm moving into this coming week armed with faith that all things are possible!

A quiet week and all over the place randoms

2010-03-26T16:06:00.000-07:00

The quiet weeks are always hard. Even when you expect it to be quiet. The trend seems to be a referral once a week right now and so I expected this week to be quiet since we don't know who is in that coveted #1 spot. I know we are all hoping that person got their referral this week :)

Anyway, even when you expect it to be quiet, you hope it won't be. You hope hope hope that things will happen, that maybe they will have a HUGE week of referrals. You try not to be disappointed when it doesn't happen. I'm hanging in there though, and "hoping" we won't have too many more weeks of this waiting game! Here's hoping next week we move closer!!!

Our pastor and his wife wanted to meet with us and pray with us. We've been on their hearts and we were able to meet with them for awhile last night. They encouraged us and prayed over us and our son! It is so nice to know that people care and that lots of people are praying for us and our son as we continue on this journey!

We did get Dash's nursery all done last weekend! We also got all the material we needed to make Dash a wonderful quilt. It has Disney fabrics and all the colors of his room. We have a great family friend who is going to make the quilt and I can't wait to see it all done! I will definitely post pictures when it is finished!

We are still preparing for 2 trips. Our agency has not heard the report of only one trip so we are still proceeding and preparing for 2. This weekend I hope to get the house baby proofed and get some scrapbooking done!

Our agency sent an email about orphan care today and I wanted to share a story from the email:

It was titled Every Moment Matters

Ethiopia:

He was brought to Hannah’s Hope weighing just four pounds. This tiny baby boy, found abandoned on the street corner, was very sick. After our doctor examined him, we were told there was not much we could do. But our special mothers refused to give up, taking turns placing the baby’s naked body next to their own, skin to skin to keep him warm. Despite their heroic efforts, two days later this sweet little boy passed away.

Everyone at Hannah’s Hope mourned this precious baby’s life. Almaz made the arrangements to make sure the child God had placed in their hands for such a short time received a proper burial. His life on this earth had so few moments, but for those brief moments Almaz and a special few loved him fervently as their own. They were present to lovingly place him, “not for a moment forgotten by God” (1 Peter 5:13), in the arms of his loving heavenly Father.

I am so grateful for Almaz and the staff at Hannah's Hope who make a difference everyday! I can't wait to meet Almaz! Not every story has a happy ending like we would hope. Not every mouth gets fed, not every child gets adopted, not every child lives. It is so sad, but true. I am just grateful that this baby boy, while unable to be united with a family to love and care for him, was able to feel love from some very special woman who held him in their arms and cared for him for his few short days on earth. I am grateful that he didn't die on a street corner, but in the arms of woman who love deeply for the orphans in this world!

Getting Warmer.....

2010-03-24T20:19:00.000-07:00

You remember playing hide and seek with friends when you were little? I remember trying to find my Easter basket on Easter morning and searching everywhere. After a long time of searching and hunting my parents would finally feel sorry for me (since my brothers would usually already be digging into their baskets while I was STILL hunting for mine) and start giving me hints. "You're ice cold." "Getting warmer" "You're hot" "You're burning up" ............ until I finally was so close that I found it!

I feel like this journey to parenthood has been one big Easter basket hunt! I've been waiting a very long time to become a parent. I tried it my own way for a long time, thinking I could control my own destiny and ignored the whisper in my ear telling me where my little Easter basket was waiting! Finally after looking everywhere I asked for help. I sought the help of the one who KNEW where to look! Since I asked for help, I've been on quite the journey. We've been getting closer and closer and "warmer and warmer" In fact right now, I kind of feel like we're so close that we're burning up!!! It is only a matter of time before our little one is revealed to us (maybe around Easter anyone?)

We are so happy and so excited! Definitely the closer we get the harder it is to wait! I am just hoping and praying we fly through these final numbers cuz I am losing my mind with waiting. I'm already addicted to checking my phone and I know it is just going to get worse. Sure, logically I know that I have no reason to check my phone all the time, but I can't help it....... I'm practicing ;)

In other news today we found out that it is rumored (not officially announced by our agency anyway) that we may not need to travel for court. I really have mixed feelings about this. At first I felt devastated by the news that we had to travel sooner, but now I think it was for the best. Sure there is lots of celebrating going on in the adoption world right now as a lot of money will be saved by not having to travel twice, but I saw one quote today that struck a cord "Families are celebrating ethics being thrown out the window for the savings of the cost of two plane tickets." and truly that is how I feel. This traveling for court was going to protect the kids. It was going to cause the agency's who are dealing unethically to be honest with families and that was going to help a lot! My biggest fear is that these corrupt agency's will continue to operate and might even cause Ethiopia to close someday and that is sad.

So in the end, I guess while this will save us time off work and lots of money - I hope this is just temporary and that Ethiopia can come up with a permanent solution to stop corruption. In the meantime we are in a holding pattern. Since Ethiopia's statement appeared to state that the change is "suspended indefinitely" that means it could change again at any moment. So we shall see. For the time being we will continue to prepare for 2 trips until we hear otherwise! I was really looking forward to meeting our baby boy soon and spending some serious time bonding with him in Ethiopia between court and Embassy appointment! Oh well, God is sailing the ship! We're just along for the ride!!!

He Provides!!!!

2010-03-22T18:55:00.001-07:00

The one thing that held us back from pursuing adoption in the first place was - money. I know I've said it before but truly, making the decision to adopt was a huge leap of faith for us. We just don't have the money. It was a huge priority shift for us and we were determined to do whatever it took to follow God's will and bring our child home.

Within weeks of deciding to adopt we hit the fundraising hard. We were bowling for baby, doing multiple garage sales, collecting change and pop bottles. We were out doing car washes and selling wreaths - whatever it took and we've been okay. We've had enough when we needed it. We felt like we were in a position where we'd have the money we needed to travel.

Well, then we found out we'd need to travel twice. Instantly we started worrying about the money. Here we are at the front of the wait list and we need to travel twice in the very near future. One thing we knew without a doubt is that God would provide every last penny. He has not let us down yet and we know He will continue to bless us!

God has led me to 2 great verses which have really helped us these past few weeks with anxious feelings about finances and the travel plans and such:

John 14:1 "Do not let your hearts be troubled Trust in God"

Psalms 27:14 "Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord"

Our families and Peter are ready to jump into more fundraising, but I've held back. I have just felt like God has been telling me to wait. Logically I'm thinking - but waiting does not produce money! With more time and more prayer I just feel like we need to enjoy this time and not stress about money. We still have things around the house that we need to do to get ready. I really just want to enjoy the referral phase of the process and NOT be stressed out. Before we know it we will need to be preparing to travel (2-4 weeks after referral so we've been told). I am not planning on coming home between court and Embassy appointment so everything on this end needs to be ready.

Peter asked me the other night about fundraising and I told him that I truly felt like God was telling us to wait. I really feel like we need to enjoy these last few weeks of just the 2 of us and not be stressed out. So that is where we're at - we're waiting. Waiting IS producing amazing things. We've worked hard, we've fundraised like crazy and God is providing!

Today we got word that Show Hope has chosen us for a grant! Wow! We are so happy and just so thankful! The timing couldn't be better! Instant relief and we are so much closer to our goal! God is so good! He has been with us every step of the way. Through the emotional and stressful paperchase, through this long and frustrating phase of waiting, and I know we will need Him (and He'll be there) every step of the way through referral and travel!!!

#4

2010-03-20T09:39:00.000-07:00

Well, it looks like we really, truly are unofficially #4! Can we just say we are SO EXCITED that we're getting SO CLOSE to seeing our baby boy!!! I am really starting to wonder where he is at right now and when was he born! I think that is the first thing I want to know - his birthdate.

I really feel like I had better keep my phone on me at all times (which btw I failed to do yesterday). I did get some more info from our caseworker. She said we should be prepared to travel for court 2-4 weeks after our referral.

With that we have quite a few projects to keep us busy around here. I know time is going to fly after we get the call. Our goal this weekend is to finish up the nursery. We only have a few small projects left to do. We need to install the dimmer switch on his light switch. We need to buy blinds for his room and some storage containers for toys and lotions and diapers and such. So a trip to IKEA it is!!!

Good Day!

2010-03-15T20:02:00.000-07:00

What a day! There was so much happening in the AGCI family today! New info and celebrations all around.

First I have to give a shout-out to the Bonner Family http://bonnerfamilyjourney.blogspot.com/ they have been waiting patiently for their referral of a toddler boy and they announced this morning that they accepted a referral for the most precious 3 1/2 year old boy. I have to admit this little guy stole my heart! I am so happy for them as they go through this referral process!!!

What else? What else? There were lots of families who went to court last night. I am happy to report that 2 dear families passed court last night and it has been barely a month since both of these families got their referrals! How awesome is that!!!

http://addingtothefamily.wordpress.com/ - For their baby girl!
http://imagine-anything-eph32021.blogspot.com/ - For their baby boy!

2 other families we've been praying so hard for got some good news at court today. They both were on their 3rd attempt to pass court and while they still did not pass today, the judge expects all the paperwork to be in tomorrow and then everything can be made legal and they can FINALLY pass court!!!

So soon-to-be congrats for:

http://shannonforthisseason.blogspot.com - for their 4 year old boy!
http://ephesians-one-five.blogspot.com - For their almost 1 year old baby boy (Angie, hoping you get him in your arms before that big day!)

Yes it was a great day in the AGCI family :)

We did hear more about our two trips. We will in fact have to travel for court. There are some great pro's for this. The biggest con I can think of is the fact that we can literally end up with 2-3 days notice that we have a court date coming! Literally a family heard today that they have court in less than a week. Once the new policy takes effect it will be very difficult with such short notice. I better have my bags packed ;)

We are all still trying to figure out if we could be allowed to stay in country with our child if we pass court. Right now it seems like Embassy appointments are being scheduled about 3-5 weeks after passing court. We do have to remember that the US Embassy policies just changed too and that they may take longer to investigate cases. It is all kind of a mess right now and we are just waiting to know more of what this all means for us and what our options will be. Please keep praying for us as we figure this all out.

Reality is setting in that we could/should be meeting our little guy very soon. It seems to be taking about 4 weeks from referral to court date right now and that is both exciting and nerve-wracking. I feel like there is still so much to get done and yet at the same time I am so ready to be DONE! I am so ready for him to be home and for us to start our lives as parents!!!

So still resting in God's perfect plan and perfect timing. I have perfect peace right now about it all. I just know He will take care of all the details. He knows when the call will come. He knows when court is. He knows when we will land back home with our little guy in our arms!

8 Months

2010-03-12T10:05:00.000-08:00

Today marks 8 months since we made the decision to adopt. Here are a few little tidbits of lessons learned in the past 8 months.

In some ways the past 8 months have gone by so fast! In other ways this has been the longest journey of our lives. The first 4 months were full of lots of activity. Lots of paperchasing, lots of fundraising, tons of excitement! The past 4 months have been so quiet and we've just been coping with the stillness of it all. The phase of waiting is such an important stage in the adoption process. This is where we mentally and emotionally prepared. This is the stage that our hearts truly began to long for our child. We have grown so much in the past 4 months. Trusting in the quiet is not easy, but it is an important lesson to learn.

I know this phase of waiting is almost over. I can feel it! Pretty soon we will get to see our son's face in photos and share the excitement with friends and family. Then the third and final stage begins (almost like really long trimesters of pregnancy). I just know we are going to be so busy in the last stage. Our hearts will be in deep prayer (they already are) for our child, that the court process would go smoothly, that he would stay healthy, that he would transition well. We will be so busy packing and preparing and traveling around the world twice to meet and bring home our little one. With all of this busyness ahead of us, I kind of feel like we're in the calm before the storm. I am so ready for the next step, but at the same time I just want to sit and relax and learn peace in this calm and quiet place we're at right now.

8 Things I've learned in the past 8 Months:

1) Waiting is not easy

2) You are always waiting for SOMETHING

3) There will be reasons to quit and give-up (and some days you might actually want to)

4) Every step forward, every milestone, every move on the wait list re-ignites the passion and gives you the strength to press on through the hard days.

5) A support system to vent to and understand how you are feeling is a must-have

6) You will learn so much about yourself and will grow more than you thought possible

7) Your heart will forever be changed. You will have more compassion, you will long for all the orphans in this world to have homes!

8) It is completely 100% possible to love someone you've never met, or seen, or know anything about

Still Coping with the Unknown

2010-03-11T18:56:00.000-08:00

I am still trying to deal with properly processing all this new information. I thought waiting was difficult. Actually I know waiting has been very difficult, but waiting without certainty is even harder. We can make it through this. We will make it through this and honestly at this point I really just want to push through this as quickly as possible. I know we can do this, but I really can't wait for it to be over.

The most confusing part in all of this is that our agency is the only one reporting that you have to travel after referral. Every other agency (that I have seen) is saying you must be present for the court date. Peter listened in on the conference call today and our caseworkers said that it is possible that it is for court. They are still waiting for questions to be answered by the staff in Ethiopia. It is difficult to communicate when you are 12 hours apart! We have no choice but to keep waiting and keep praying and hopefully we will get our questions answered in the coming week or so.

I am so thankful we are with AGCI. Seriously, the staff has been so awesome with communicating with us. There is so much going on right now with our agency and I know they are swamped but they are taking the extra time and trying to help us through this as best as they can. Plus I have full confidence that they will alert us to new updates as soon as they have information to report.

I also love my AGCI family of support so much. It was so great yesterday knowing that I had close to 100 of my friends on the same line with me, experiencing the same feelings. Some that I talked to online during the phone conference, and lots that I have talked to in the last 24 hours. We're all feeling the same way. We're all working through the very same things right now and this support system is awesome. Every last one of us knows this is just a little setback. We all have faith and trust that we will bring our little one's home and we will all be celebrating together as we each reach those milestones. This family aspect is so important right now and I truly think THAT is what sets AGCI apart from any other agency!

I am still a mixed bag of emotions. Full of fear, doubt, frustration, sadness. I have to constantly reflect on scriptures and Christian songs. This is a trial but I can just feel my faith building through it all. This process is stretching us so much and we are growing as people and as Christ Followers.

Right now we need a lot of prayer. I have been reminded that we need to be praying SPECIFICALLY so today I give you 3 specific areas that we need your prayers right now. Please join with us in prayer:

1) We are still waiting to hear on a grant we applied for. This would have been a huge blessing regardless but now we could really REALLY use this grant money.

2) Specific prayer that we would receive our referral soon. I know this doesn't seem important but it is. Our prayer is that the families in front of us would get their referrals, that the children's paperwork would be in order so that referrals will pour out! We are really feeling the pressure with these new potential delays. Courts could be closing for the rainy season in as early as July and with how close we "could" be to referral day we pray it happens soon so we won't be delayed further.

3) Prayer for the court process. Yes, I do know this is very early! If in fact we do have to travel for court then I pray we pass at that appointment. Prayer that the MOWA letter will be at court. Prayer that the birth family will be able to make it to the court hearing and that everything will be in order.

Thanks so much for reading and supporting the cause to bring Baby Dash home. Someday my little cutie pie will occupy this page :)

Attitude Adjustment - BIG CHANGES

2010-03-10T11:30:00.000-08:00

There has been a lot going on in Ethiopian adoptions lately. There have been some news stories circulating about unethical Ethiopian adoptions and that has caused quite a stir in the adoption world. It is crazy how how powerful the media is.............. but I'm not going to go there right now.

There have been a few changes to the adoption process in Ethiopia. All this is being implemented in the hopes of protecting the children, which is a good thing. The US Embassy has responded to these reports by implementing some new standards for their part in the process. If there are any gaps in the child's history, they will investigate to determine that this child is truly an orphan and that there was no living relative who was able to take care of this child. Apparently this is a process that has already been in place in Ethiopia, but they are reserving the right to investigate further which could not change our timeline at all, or it could change our timeline before picking up our child by a few months.

The biggest change that we just found out about today has to do with Ethiopia's response to some of their problems. There have been several instances in the past where a family has accepted a referral, gone to court, passed court, then met their child and changed their mind. This is a very sad truth, but I guess it does happen. To safeguard against this Ethiopia is now requiring us to travel soon after getting our referral. We will get to spend a few days with our baby (at Hannah's Hope, since he is not legally ours at this point we cannot take him to our hotel). Then we will be asked to sign a form stating that want to proceed with his adoption.

From this point, we will come home and wait for the court process to begin. After we pass court we will travel like before to pick up our child and go to the US Embassy appointment in Ethiopia.

This is very new information from our agency and they really don't have a lot to report on about it yet. They are guessing this will lengthen our process by 2-3 weeks. Obviously this will be adding a HUGE financial burden as the trips are a large portion of the adoption costs. Also I don't even want to think about meeting my child and then having to leave him behind. I think that is the toughest thing for me to think about. Plus we will be meeting a child who is not legally ours yet and lots of things can happen between this meeting and relinquishment at court.

So we need to prepare to travel to Ethiopia very soon it sounds like! We will be required to travel within 2-3 weeks after we get the call. I am kind of excited about this though. We will hopefully have the opportunity to see our child's birth country. This is something we would not have the opportunity to do the second time around since we will be so busy with our new child. We will get to meet our baby and spend a few days with him. We will get to take lots of pictures of our little boy. Since these photos are going to have to last me a few months, I am sure we'll be taking lots of them!

I won't lie and say this is going to be easy. In fact, I expect this to be extremely difficult, but I know God has a plan in everything. It seriously breaks my heart to think that I am going to have to say goodbye to my little boy and leave him there for a few more months. It scares me to think about how we're going to come up with these additional funds. We have to proceed trusting God and his timing in everything. I can handle the heartbreak and additional stress. I can do all of this knowing God's plan is being fulfilled.

March Numbers

2010-03-08T18:30:00.000-08:00

We got our update call with our caseworker today!!! It is always nice to get an opportunity to chat with our case worker and see where we are in the process. This was the first time she had more to say then just small talk and giving us our numbers and telling us to hang in there on this journey......... but more on that in a bit.

First let me tell you what our numbers are:

For a Girly Girl:

For Siblings:

And for our little man:

Still feeling pretty confident that our little man is going to win out! I can't wait :)

So for the update portion. Our case worker did remind us that there are other referrals in process (always nice to hear!) and that our numbers might be lower. She also told us that it is time to start doing some other prep work before our referral comes. Our "homework" is to get vaccinated. We've been putting this one off for as long as we can, but now that our agency is telling us it is time, I guess we better get it done. She also told us to start working on picking an International Pediatrician. Having an International Pediatrician look over our child's file is the first thing she wants us to do after getting a referral. She said as soon as we get a written report from the pediatrician they will be able to let their staff in Ethiopia know and they can start merging our dossier with our little boys file! They would like the report to be completed within 24-48 hours after referral.

We also talked through the referral process. We talked about the paperwork and the transition plan we'll have to write up. We talked about what we can expect from "the call" and that she is okay with Peter running up there and getting our referral packet right after the call. It was so much fun to actually start talking about the next steps in this process :) The end is drawing near!!!

So far I have found the best distraction for me to be baking. I love to bake! Last weekend I tried to make some homemade girl scout cookies. The real one's are just way to expensive so I figured I might as well try my hand at the homemade versions of our favorites.

The thin mints turned out okay. It seems a lot of the peppermint flavor came out during baking. Plus I over baked them a little so they turned out a little too crispy. I will definitely try this recipe again, but reduce the baking time and add more peppermint!

I used the shortcut recipe and made my personal favorite - Samoa's in a bar form. I saved a lot of time by not having to cut out cookies and then try to get the chocolate and caramel coconut layered on top. They aren't as pretty but they are so YUMMY!!!

The Boom We've Been Waiting For?!?!

2010-03-05T17:34:00.000-08:00

I don't want to say this too loudly but................

I think things are picking up! We've been waiting for movement and it appears that the last few weeks have seen a lot of movement in our agency's Ethiopia program. Every 2 weeks our agency sends out an email updating us on the status of the program.

This is what our update said this week:

Family and Referral Update

Families Home: 9 families have returned home with their children from Ethiopia since our last update--Welcome Home! 323 children have now come home from Ethiopia so far in our Program.
Waiting for Travel: 7 families will be traveling to Ethiopia at the end of March and 12 families are currently awaiting travel or in the court process
Referrals: Since our last update there have been 3 infant girls, 3 infant boys, 1 toddler girl and 2 sibling groups.
Waiting for Girl Referrals: 52 families waiting for a referral of a girl
Waiting for Boy Referrals: 31 families waiting for a referral of a boy
Waiting for Sibling Referrals: 22 families waiting for a sibling referral
Families Working on Dossier: 71 families working on their dossiers
New Families: 16 families new to the program. Welcome!

Isn't that awesome!!!!

So what does that mean for us? That means we've moved up - a lot! We should have gotten our number update call this week, but from the looks of things they were busy with much more important things :)

That means we should be #6 for a baby boy and I know at least one of the families in front of us is waiting for a toddler so at least #5 for an infant boy! So exciting!!!

Now as a disclaimer when we get our new numbers next week they will not reflect this awesome movement. The numbers only calculate referrals that are complete and not in process so our official boy number I fully expect to be #9 - but #5 unofficially. Guess I better start carrying my phone around with me everywhere :)

Congrats to my friends at http://mfamilyblog.blogspot.com/ who got their referral this week for a baby boy born in January!!!! Also praying for all my friends who have 2nd court dates this weekend. Hoping and praying they pass!

They That Wait.......

2010-03-02T20:01:00.000-08:00

Baby Dash,

Today has been a tough day. The hurt won't go away. I want to see your face. I want to start preparing for you to come home, but we are stuck in that waiting phase and I have no idea how much longer it will be before we meet you. Since I will be turning this blog into a blog book for you I hope that someday you will look back upon these posts and be able to see a portion of your journey to our family.

I don't know when you will have an interest in reading this portion of your story. Maybe you will be a teenager, or maybe even an adult and that is okay. I just want to make it clear to you that you were loved so much before we even knew who you were. We don't have a picture of you to look at yet. All we have is an unfulfilled longing in our heart for YOU!

Waiting is proving to be hard. I just want to know you. I want so badly to know your birth date and your Ethiopian name. I want to know about your birth family. I want to see your face and your smile (I bet it is the sweetest smile!). I want to know if you have a head full of hair or if your a little baldy :) I can't wait to show your pictures to family and friends and start preparing for your arrival home.

I hope you know just how badly we wanted you and how hard it was for us to wait for you to come home to us. It is heartbreaking. It hurts in a way I never thought was possible. I love you more than I thought was possible and I don't even know you. It is so hard to wait for you. I am grateful that God has allowed these emotions to be so intense and so real for you while we wait. I feel connected to you in a way that I didn't think was possible until we had laid eyes on you and held you in our arms.

I am trying my hardest to not be frustrated in this waiting. I know there is a greater plan and purpose that is being fulfilled in your life halfway around this world, but that doesn't make this time any easier. I just hope we don't have to wait too many more months before seeing your face. Wherever you might be right now, I pray that you are safe and healthy. I pray that God gives your birth family peace because someone halfway around this world loves you so much and is longing for you at this very moment.

I hope you never doubt just how loved and wanted you are!

Isaiah 40:31 "They that wait upon the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

Lord, I'm weary. I need your strength to finish this journey.

Another Day Closer!

2010-03-01T19:53:00.000-08:00

Well, no news for us as far as moving ahead, but I am still very hopeful that this week will bring us some movement!

One family DID get their referral last week after only 3 weeks on the wait lists!!!!

http://tomandtif-seven.blogspot.com/ - accepted a referral for a 4 year old and his little 20 month old brother! What a quick journey for their family and I am so happy for them and these two precious brothers. They are still waiting on their Favorable Determination Letter and a court date cannot be scheduled until they get it so I am praying for them.

I am thinking about my dear friends at the front of the wait lists. I so hope they get their calls REALLY soon!

http://mfamilyblog.blogspot.com/ - Sitting at #1 on the boys list
http://tobuildafamily.blogspot.com/ - Sitting at #2 on the siblings list (sibling group 0-4 years with at least 1 girl)

I know I should have learned my lesson by now, but I am still hopeful that things are going to move quickly this month!

Now time to wake up my sleeping husband and get him into bed. Bedtime before 8:00 - we are worn out for some reason, but we should enjoy these early bedtimes while we still can! So goodnight :)

A New Week, A New Month, and A New Number?

2010-02-28T12:34:00.001-08:00

Tomorrow is a new work week! I usually hate Sunday nights because it means that another work week has started and I have to get up at 4:30 in the morning and get back to my job. Lately though, Sunday night brings with it hope and anticipation. Hope that my friends will get the call they've been waiting for! Hope that our number will drop. Hope that we will be closer to our son by the end of the week.

It has been a few weeks since a friend has gotten a referral and I have to admit that if Wednesday afternoon hits and no referrals have gone out, I experience a very different emotion - frustration. I start to let frustration set in, but I still have a glimmer of hope that referrals could still go out over the next 2 days! Thursday passes without any news, now I'm really frustrated, but Friday could still be the day. By lunchtime on Friday, I'm over it. I figure there is no more hope for this week and I am ready for the weekend to get over with so I can have new hope on Monday morning!

Tomorrow is the beginning of a new month! A new month is filled with hope and anticipation. I hope that lots of referrals will go out in the coming month. A hope that maybe, just maybe we "could" get the call this month. After all (I think) there are only 7 families in front of us with the same parameters. I have seen previous months were more than 10 referrals have gone out so it is possible! I know there is still lots of room at the transition home so it could happen!!!

But I also don't want to get my hopes up. We've been on the list for 4 months and every month we've thought things would finally pick up and they haven't yet. Sure 5 spots in one month IS good movement, I don't want to take away that fact but with all the families who have traveled and the lack of referrals we COULD still see more. But the fact still remains - We moved 1 spot in the couple days we were on the list in October. We moved 2 spots in November, 2 spots in December, 5 spots in January, and I am guessing 2 spots in February - so odds are that we are not going to get the call this month.

Since this is the first week of the month we will also get our updated official numbers. I am pretty confident that we will be #9 at that time, but I've been surprised in the past so you never know. I am looking forward to finding out though and talking with our caseworker.

So here we go! Will referrals go out this week? Will we see lots of movement in March? What will our new number be? Here's hoping/praying for a big week ahead :)

"1 to 4 Months"

2010-02-27T09:13:00.000-08:00

1-4 months. That was the original wait list time that was quoted to us to get an infant boy. We've hit the 4 month mark. I have been thinking of this date approaching for awhile now. To the best of my knowledge we're #9 on the list for a boy and with the pace of movement we're probably still at least 2 months away from our referral. In early January I did talk with our case worker about wait times and while when we were wait listed at the end of October they were quoting 1-4 month wait times, in January she told me that 4-6 months was probably more accurate.

Now I'm hearing rumors that they are quoting the most recent families at 6-10 months! So instead of being upset about this I am choosing to be happy that we were put on the lists when we were. Originally we were going to start the adoption process in January of this year. If we would have waited there would be so many more delays. The FBI was only taking 2 weeks to process fingerprints when we sent them off, now the FBI is taking up to 10 weeks! The wait lists are much longer so I am grateful that we are where we are! Now, by crossing that 4 month mark we're in the realistic area where we could get our call soon!

So why are things moving so slow? Honestly, we don't have an answer for that. I have been doing some research on the situation in Ethiopia and it seems that there are several agencies that are moving slow right now. Rumors (and they are just rumors at this point in time) say that things are slow do to some recent news reports about unethical adoptions from Ethiopia. Now these news reports target a specific agency (not ours) but could be causing things to be slowing down with the Ethiopian government and could also be causing Ethiopian families to be nervous about giving their children up for adoption. I just wish the media would report on the positive aspects and not just the negative. But it is the media, so what do you expect?

All of this is helping me to build a greater trust in God. I am helpless. There is not a thing I can do to speed things up. I am in a very uncomfortable place of waiting, but what is the alternative? To quit? To give up? NO WAY! I have to stay in this place of waiting and trust that God will put all the pieces together in his perfect timing.

What's in a Name?

2010-02-25T18:19:00.000-08:00

Naming a human is a lot of pressure.

Besides the typical adoption related questions, the most commonly asked question is if we've picked a name.

I can say with confidence that we have!

I have to admit we've spent a lot of time looking at baby name books. We wrote down name's that we liked and then have slowly been going through them and crossing name's off. One thing we noticed right away was that we had way more girl names we liked then boy names. Picking a girl's name was easy as we already had a name picked out years ago, but of course since we've felt pretty confident we will be getting a boy we knew we had quite the challenge in front of us!

About the time we started the adoption process we had our name list down to about 5 or 6 names that we really liked. The farther we got into this process though, the more we felt like we needed to pick a name with meaning! So we started researching the meaning of the name's on our list - those names lost their luster when we found out what they meant.

We also didn't want a super trendy name. We wanted something that people had heard of but not something you hear everyday. So we dug even deeper. We came up with 2 or 3 different name's that we liked and spent some time mulling them around.

We have been concerned about him losing a part of his identity if we change his name from his Ethiopian name. We do have every intention of keeping his Ethiopian name as his middle name. I felt better about the decision of changing his name when I read an article about how God changed name's at key points in people's lives - Abram to Abraham, Jacob - Israel, Sarai - Sarah. Well, this is going to be a key point in our sons life and now I am comfortable in giving him a piece of our family and heritage while still remembering his birth mother and her part in his heritage.

It may sound crazy, but for years I have thought and prayed for a son that I would someday adopt. In no way did I imagine I would be 23 years old (more thinking along the lines of maybe 33) when we adopted him, but I've thought about this son a lot. I have always had a feeling that he would do amazing things for God's kingdom! I don't say this lightly. I only say this because I feel like it is something God pressed on my heart years ago that I needed to pray about. I have no idea what this means beyond praying for him that he would build an intimate relationship with God so that he can fulfill the purpose God has for him in this life! Otherwise I have no idea what God will direct him to do in this lifetime but I can't wait to see his life unfold and see my prayers be answered!

The name we picked wasn't even on our list. Going back and looking now, it is one that we had marked that we liked though. In passing a few months ago during a prayer time, I mentioned this name to Peter and he actually liked it! You know how the game is played - your husband says a name he likes and you respond with a "No way, I knew a guy with that name and didn't like him" Several rounds of this game were played and this was the first one (and I think only one) that Peter agreed with! So we decided to look up the meaning in the baby name book and it just works!!!

Lately, we've started referring to the baby by his real name and calling him less and less "Dash". We will still probably call him Dash on the blog (Although I will tell you his name at least once :)

It is getting difficult because at home I refer to him by his real name, but out and about I have to remember to call him Dash and sometimes I almost slip up!

When we started this process we picked a nickname for our baby - Baby Dash! Referring to the baby by a nickname while we waited made it actually feel somewhat real. Well, now that we're about 98% sure we'll be bringing home a little boy I find myself wanting to refer him to his real name and not so much Dash. I am sure we'll always still call him Dash, but now that he is real - he is a human, he is out there in this world somewhere even if we don't know who he is - I want him to have HIS name.

So I REALLY want to share his name. This post is way to long, but there is a lot of work that goes into naming a child and I wanted to share a part of our journey in naming our son :) I am trying to talk my sweet husband into letting me share his name. He likes that we have one little secret to ourselves during this wait and I respect that. So maybe I'll get to share his name soon, or maybe I won't, but I am excited to tell you eventually:)

Radical

2010-02-23T19:59:00.001-08:00

I have a challenge for you so keep reading.

I came across a study (from another person's blog) called Radical: What the Gospel Demands.

Peter and I checked it out and we decided to jump in! We don't know what to expect but we do know that we want to do God's will during our time on this earth. God does not ask us to do convenient things or easy things. The truth is, we have it very easy and part of being the greedy people we are - it is easy to ignore the truth that is laid out in front of us.

We want more from our lives than this. We want to finish this race and make God proud! I do not claim that this will be easy, but it is something we have to dig in deeper and learn more about.

We are rich by the world's standards and that could be the death of us. We are called to action. We are called to be God's hands and feet to a suffering world. We are called to bring the gospel to the corner's of the world. Sadly, we are failing.

We started the first of 8 lessons tonight. I think we will probably due one lesson a week probably on Tuesday nights. I can already tell that this could be a life changing program so I am opening it up to others. Would you consider joining Peter and myself on this 8 week study? You can do it by yourself, or with your spouse, or maybe even as a family if your kids are old enough! The lesson is about an hour long and then just discussion and prayer time as you feel led.

If interested check out this link http://www.radicalsmallgroups.com/

If you feel ready to dive in and join us on this 8 week and beyond journey then here's a few things you can do:

1) Pick a time to do the lesson every week.

2) Go to http://www.brookhills.org/media/series/radical/ click on the first lesson and listen. We had a problem with the video loading so we just did the audio lesson without any problem.

3) If you want to partner with us and maybe other's who will be doing this study right along with us go to http://groups.yahoo.com/group/RadicalFollowers/ and we can discuss this together. I already have ideas swirling around in my head!

Drawn From Water

2010-02-22T19:48:00.000-08:00

Go to this website and check out some cute kids!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/44976480@N02/

Hard to believe that these children were sentenced to death in their African tribes. These children were "Mingi" A direct quote from Drawn From Water's Website:

There are three types of ways that a child can be deemed mingi. The first and most common is the top teeth coming in before the bottom, that can be the first set of teeth or the adult teeth. The second is called girl mingi, and is when a child is born to a mother and father who are not married. The third is called woman mingi, and happens when a child is born to a mother and father who are married but did not announce to the tribes that they were planning to get pregnant before they became pregnant. Any of these three happening will make a child mingi and thus by tribal law must be killed

It is a sad thing that is happening in this world, but the great news is that people are stepping up and DOING SOMETHING about this cruel and unjust thing. This is a ministry that I have really become passionate about in the past weeks. The organization is called Drawn From Water. They are saving children from being murdered and amazing things are happening.

This organization is giving these children a safe haven. They are caring for them. Some are being put up for adoption, but their ultimate goal is to be able to reunite most of these children with their families that love them. You see, most of the parents do not want their children to be drowned. They love them and they want to keep them, but the tribe will not allow it.

Now the coolest thing happening is that this organization is actually impacting the tribes! They are literally showing God's love to these tribes. They are educating these tribes. Here is another excerpt from the Drawn from Water website:

The meeting is over in the tribes and Lale has returned beaming with pride for what was accomplished. What started out as a meeting in one village with 60 people ended up being in two separate villages over the weekend and included nearly two hundred people! Lale said that there were people who had killed mingi children in the past crying and repenting for what they had done and in the end everyone there made a pact to try and stop the belief in mingi in the entire 130,000 people that live in the three tribes as soon as possible. Lale is planning another follow up meeting in the coming months to ensure that the progress continues and that the people who made the pact together feel supported.

We are so thankful that the meeting went well and that progress is finally being made, please continue to pray with us that these tribes start to see the light and know that what they are doing is wrong.

Also, Lale met with a family who is pregnant with a mingi child who was planning to kill the child. They agreed to give over the baby Lale when its born instead of killing it. The mother is 7 months pregnant and so we are expecting to have a newborn in the orphanage soon!

This is a growing ministry that I know I will talk about again in the future. Running an ever growing orphanage is not an easy task and they need help.

They currently need 76 $25 a month sponsors to help with the costs of caring for all the children that they are rescuing at a rapid pace.

So far they have 45 of the 76 sponsors.

We're one of 76.

Will you consider being one of the 76?

http://www.drawnfromwater.org/

Redeemed

2010-02-21T17:57:00.000-08:00

I originally typed up this message intending to keep it as a private post, but as I typed out this story I thought maybe I should share it. So here goes:

I have been feeling very beaten up lately. This journey is hard. I prayed to have a heart for what hurts God's and in return God has given me a heart for the orphans of this world. I feel so defeated in that I can't do more. I can only give so much, I can only bring home so many. No matter what I do, there will still be children who need home's and that just isn't fair. It is a heavy burden to carry but it is such a small portion of what hurts God's heart.

It is hard to wait on God to move. It is hard to be patient in the midst of a journey of your heart. There is nothing I have ever wanted more than to be a mom and the journey to motherhood hasn't been easy. I am ready! I can't wait, but here I sit waiting. It is so hard to describe how I feel, because my emotions are so mixed up that I can't explain it.

So at church today, in the midst of worship our pastor walked out. I didn't think much of it. He came back in and then began to speak about how he felt like God was telling him to step outside. The weather is beautiful right now and so he did. He said he turned around in a full circle and noticed the cross on the steeple of the church.

The cross is right over the center of our church sanctuary. He said that he felt like he needed to let us know that we are covered by the cross and that victory is God's! God has already proclaimed the victory! For me personally - my weak heart - it can be hard to trust. I KNOW that God is in control and that He will bring the dreams of my heart into fruition, but I struggle to trust that. I have been wounded month after month when we didn't get pregnant, and now I feel a similar defeated pain as each month goes by and we find out the wait lists are still not moving like we'd hope they would. It was just yet another reminder (he has to remind me often) that He will win this victory! We will get on a plane and we WILL bring our son home!

Our pastor has a tendency to preach words over specific people. While I felt touched by this word and trusted that it "could" be for me, I felt silly thinking it was for me. I mean, we're on the wait list for a baby from Ethiopia - odds are good that I just need a dose of patience and that everything will be fine. He also prayed that God would give us a sense of hope and just somehow confirm this word in our hearts.

So our pastor sat back down and we sang one final song. The first words in the song we sang were:

It’s the song of the redeemed
Rising from the African plain

That was such heavenly confirmation if I've ever heard it. It brought tears to my eyes to realize that God gently and tenderly cares about my heart. I can't help but feel silly and stupid for struggling during this season of waiting, but I felt like God was letting me know that it is okay. I don't need to feel silly. HE IS THE ONE WHO GAVE ME THIS HEART OF COMPASSION! He made me this way and it is a critical part of my make-up that I shouldn't be ashamed of. He gave me the desire to be a mother and it is okay that I am struggling and hurting while waiting. The victory will be won!

I couldn't help but imagine that in just a few more months we will be going to that very same church, maybe even the very same seats with our little one in our arms - and we will be giving God all the glory for His victory in our lives!

Single Digits!

2010-02-20T10:55:00.000-08:00

Welcome to single digits!!!

Based on the AGCI update we got yesterday we are officially #9!!! Getting closer to meeting Baby Dash. At the rate things have been moving though, it still might be the end of April before we get the call, but I know we're all still thinking optimistically and hoping that things are going to pick up soon.

I want to congratulate my friends who have received their referrals in the past weeks.

http://imagine-anything-eph32021.blogspot.com/ - referral for a 6 week old baby boy
http://addingtothefamily.wordpress.com/ - referral for a 2 month old baby girl

I also want to congratulate http://contagiouscristie.blogspot.com/ who passed court this week and will be traveling in the coming weeks to get their baby boy! I know (and am praying for) several other families who will be going to court in the next week!

A travel group of 9 left yesterday for Ethiopia. I don't know if anyone remembers my post from months back where our agency was trying to place 2 little boys into a family. I am happy to report that those boys will be coming home later on this week. In a matter of hours they will be meeting their new family! You can follow their journey at http://adoptingsweetpea.blogspot.com/

So things are moving just not as fast as we all would like. We still think there is going to be a big spurt of movement somewhere in the near future. I sure hope so :)

I am still distracting myself and trying to stay busy. I am reading, working out, and cleaning as a distraction. I still want to get back into scrapbooking and brushing up on the piano playing so we'll see how that goes. I want to add some painting projects to my list of projects, but I need to cross just a few more items off my list before I go there :)

So I've been a cooking machine lately. I really enjoy cooking and trying new things but time has been an issue in the past. I have a tough work schedule that starts at 5:30 in the morning so it is hard to get the motivation to cook a nice meal after work. So I've spent a lot of time cooking and trying new things on the weekends. This past weekend i tried

Tacorito's from my Taste of Home cookbook

And I also tried to conquer the Mardi Gras King Cake! You can find a similar recipe here http://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/Mardi-Gras-King-Cake

Since we live in the northwest and Mardi Gras doesn't seem to be a big deal up here we couldn't find the correct color of sprinkles so we improvised. Peter spent his day trying to get colored sugar to dry!

We made the same recipe as the link has, but instead of using the almond filling we used cinnamon and sugar!

We rolled it up and let it rise for another hour! Since I messed up the first try (trying new recipes is trial and error right?) I was really nervous about putting this in the oven and ruining it!

Looks good to me!!!

Our finished King Cake! It was very yummy!

The tradition is to put a plastic baby hidden somewhere in the cake and the person who gets the slice with the baby will have good luck or be king for a day! (There are many variations).

The purple color represents the passion of Christ, The green represents hope, and the gold represents rewards of leading a Christian life!

We are also collecting more and more things for our little guy! Our latest and greatest favorites are:

Peter was happy to get his little guy his first little track shirt! I know Daddy will be proud to have him wearing this one :)

I also am a big fan of http://www.babysteals.com/. They do a deal a day. A few weeks ago they had some famous blankets on their site and I hurried up and snagged one at 50% off! After all the talk about black babies needing silk pillowslips for optimum hair health all it took was the word "silk" on this blanket and I snatched it!!! One side is silky smooth and the otherside is cloudy soft! I love it and it's really pretty too! (Is it okay to wrap your boy up in something pretty?)

And my most favorite is a blanket I asked my grandma to make for us. She wasn't so sure on the colors I asked her to make, but it matches his room so nicely and I love it!!!

I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! The sun is shining, it's been a beautiful last few days here in Oregon and we know that we have to enjoy it before it disappears for another few months but it sure is deceiving us into thinking spring just might be here soon!

Whew

2010-02-17T20:22:00.000-08:00

It has been awhile for a post. Mainly because I'm trying to collect myself. I want to focus on the positive and the good things. We're at least #10 right now and that is good. We're getting there. We're on the final stretch.

But it's hard. This hurts. This hurts in a way I never expected it to hurt. This is a real sort of pain that I have nothing to compare it to. It is a real, raw pain that at times is relentless. This weight is heavy. I've prayed to have a heart like God's heart, a heart for the realities of this world. This small portion of His pain that He has given to me is almost unbearable and is a reminder of just how weak I really am.

I see pregnant women and it hurts. It hurts to know that they have a physical reminder of their child. They can feel their baby close to them. They already have this instant connection and bond with their little one. They have a due date approaching where they will get to see their baby. For me, I long for a child who is not near me. I cry for a child who is thousands of miles away from me that I know nothing about. I get no physical sign. No one can "see" the little one growing in my heart. This pain is so real and so uncomfortable. It stretches me and I am growing as a person.

I go to work and come home. I go to work and come home again. Everyday that passes without movement is another day that feels wasted away from my child and it is hard. My mind knows and tells me that this time is not wasted. That my child will be there at just the right moment and that everything will work out in the right moment but my heart is not so easily convinced. How do you convince a heart that is longing for a child that the waiting is good?

It's tough. I'm having a really rough week. I don't want to work anymore. I want to be at home, raising the children that God has given me, but I haven't been given the desires of my heart just yet. I just hope and pray that our little boy is safe and healthy and being loved on by his birth family for the short time they will have him. In my selfishness I can sometimes forget just how precious and important this time is for my son. I hope he is still with his birth family and that they are able to enjoy every minute they have with him. As hard as this burden is for me to carry. As soon as he enters our family I know I will be excited and my heart will be full in a way I've never experienced before, but from that point on - I am sure that my broken heart will be transferred forever to a woman in Ethiopia and that just isn't fair.

7 Months

2010-02-12T16:29:00.000-08:00

Here we are at month #7. It is a strange mix of emotions. Part of me feels like the last 7 months have flown by and part of me feels like we've been waiting too long. I just hope our little guy is okay. It is so hard to love someone so much already but not know how he's doing. He isn't thinking about us at all, he doesn't feel anything for us and he won't for several more months. We talk about adopting again someday, we know we will adopt again someday, but adoption is hard. Anyone who thinks otherwise is crazy. I just have to remember that we are on the home stretch. We should not have to endure another 7 months of waiting (nothing is a guarantee though). We will get to meet our son shortly. I hope that by my month 8 post we are REALLY close to meeting our son! Until then we will just keep pressing on and live each day and enjoy this final time of "just us".

Springtime

2010-02-10T16:57:00.001-08:00

I had another revelation with God today. I have had a good few days with "waiting". I seem to do especially well during the first part of the week because I am so hopeful that referrals WILL go out this week and we WILL be closer to our son. As the week wears on and no referrals go out (which won't be an issue this week since I do know someone who got a referral) I get down about it. So Friday's and Saturday's seem to be difficult days for me.

Well, today I realized just how much we are in God's will right now. I associate being in God's will will as an action word, but I guess that is not always the case. Right now, we are in a season of waiting. It is not fun, but it is what God wants us to be doing. So we endure this wait. Things are happening, God is moving, but they are behind the scene's. It is amazing to think about how perfectly it all has to fit together for us to bring home our son - the son God knew and planned to be part of the Keyser family!

First, God had to get us to choose adoption at the perfect time. Then we had to choose Ethiopia as our country of choice. After that we had to choose just the right agency to use where our son will someday be waiting for us! It is truly a perfect plan and I feel foolish to try and rush God and His timing. It is not so much that I don't trust Him. I know this all has to work out perfectly, but it is so hard to be waiting, blindly, not knowing when things are going to happen.

So much is happening halfway around the world right now to bring our child into our home in the perfect timing. The groundwork has been laid on this side of the world. Our hearts were moved, all the paperwork is in place, but there is still work to be done in Ethiopia that we can't see. God has made it clear to me that He is moving and things are happening - so I just pray and try to trust because while we are in a time of waiting, we ARE doing God's will!!!

Daffodils are my favorite flower. I love rose's too but I just love daffodils. I think it has something to do with how they are the first sign of Spring! Last December we bought a new house. Our house had to be gutted (it was a foreclosure) and the yard was a mess! In all the mess that was our yard, imagine my surprise as winter turned into spring and our yard had TONS of daffodils all over in it. It was awesome and I was in heaven to see all of them in bloom :)

Well this year, the daffodils are taking on a whole new meaning. Since last summer when we first decided to adopt I have been looking forward to spring and summer. Mainly because I felt like we'd be seeing and bringing our son home in the spring and summer! As we are enduring this wait, over the last couple of weeks my Daffodils are popping out of the ground and starting to grow and sprout what will become gorgeous daffodils!!! It is a great reminder to me that this season of winter in our lives is almost over and SPRING and SUMMER are on the horizon if I can just wait a little longer!!!!

Progressing

2010-02-09T19:12:00.000-08:00

I'm doing my best to keep myself so distracted that I can't focus on the real things in life - like waiting. I am a very goal oriented person. Goals work for me and completing tasks makes me a happy person to live with. The best advice I have gotten to endure this final phase of the wait is "to distract yourself". So this is me distracting myself :) I came up with a list of 13 distractions (or goals).

I figured I had 11 spots to get through and this was the only way I would be able to endure another 11 spots of waiting. Well, I happy to report that not only am I working through this list of sanity keepers, but I also at least #10 :)

I am so happy for the Brown family who received a referral for a 6 week old baby boy!!!

Okay so onward with the goals. So I created this list on Saturday so I think I'm doing pretty good considering I have a job that drags me out of bed at 4:30 in the morning:

#1) Clean our spare bedroom so I have room to complete future tasks

Okay, a disclaimer on this one. This room is normally not this messy. It was just a combination of moving all of my scrapbook stuff from what used to be the scrapbook room (now the nursery) into this room. Plus my niece's stayed over and destroyed the room, plus we got a king size bed and had to find a place to store the queen until we could move it. So this is what we were dealing with:

This was the very first task on my list for a reason. Whew, glad that one is behind me!!!

2) Catch up scrapbooking

I have gotten my table set up and I am actually only a few months behind on this one so it shouldn't take me long once I have the motivation to get moving. Seriously, you have to be in the right mood to scrapbook - I'll get there!

3) Start Dash's Baby Scrapbook

I don't know why this one seems so daunting to me. I just want it to be perfect so I am almost afraid to start on it. Since I don't get to share in pregnancy with Dash, I really want to capture as much of the adoption process in his scrapbook. I think I will still hold off on starting this one until I get caught up on the family scrapbook. Maybe that will give me inspiration!

4) Baby proof all rooms in our house (one room a week) which includes:

Downstairs Bathroom/Laundry Room
Living Room
Formal Dining Room
Kitchen
Family Room
Stairway/Hallway's
Master Bedroom
Master Bathroom
Mickey Bathroom
Nursery
Spare Bedroom

Haven't done this one yet. Some rooms should be really easy, but some of the rooms I want to rearrange things (like books on bookshelves, movies under the tv) so that we really ARE ready for Dash's little curious hands on everything :) Hoping to conquer one of these rooms next weekend!

5) Finish Nursery

Uh, nope. Really all that is left is installing a dimmer switch, buying blinds for his window, and a tad bit more decorating. We're close!!!

6) Lost 7 more lbs (workout, workout, workout)

Yeah, working on it. It's gonna take some time :)

7) Finish reading Adopted for Life

I love this book so I don't know why we've had such a difficult time getting through it. 3 more chapters to go!

8) Finish reading Clear and Present Danger

I am a big Tom Clancy fan (actually a BIG Harrison Ford fan, aka Jack Ryan - Tom Clancy novel you get the picture). I have read all of the Jack Ryan books but since Peter isn't much of a reader but likes to be read to - I am not going through the series reading to him. It is time consuming but good times. I would say we're about 1/4 of the way through the book. This one is going to take a bit longer!!!

9) Try out 10 new recipes

I really do enjoy cooking so I have been looking forward to this one and have been scouting out new recipes. This is SUCH a simple recipe but oh so good! I love sweet and sour chicken, but all the recipe's I have found are complicated and just have too many steps that I don't want to bother with. Well, one of my co-workers makes sweet and sour chicken using this recipe and it is very tasty (with no bones, which I love) and simple

Sweet and Sour Chicken

4 boneless skinless chicken breasts

Batter:

2 eggs beaten

1 cup corn starch
salt, pepper, garlic powder to taste

Sweet and Sour Sauce:
1/4 cup white vinegar
1/4 cup chicken stock (I just used water)
1/2 cup sugar
3 tbsp's ketchup
1 tbsp soy sauce

Mix the batter ingredients together. Add a little water to thin out the batter. Cut up thawed chicken breasts into smaller pieces.

Dip chicken in batter then place in skillet on medium heat to brown. Turn chicken and brown on other side:

Place in baking dish and pour sweet and sour sauce over chicken. Place in 35o degree oven for 20 minutes then turn and cook another 15-25 minutes (depends on size of chicken pieces).

Simple and tender sweet and sour chicken!

I also used the leftover chicken the next night in Fried Rice. I fried rice with cut up chicken, peas, and egg and it was also really tasty!!!

I have a special (and also intimidating) recipe surprise for this coming weekend that I'm going to try :)

10) Stock the freezer with freezer meals (goal is 2 full day cooking sessions by time of travel which would total over 75 meals in freezer!)

I am working on my next 8 hour cooking session. If you've never experienced 30 day meals, I highly recommend checking them out. There are tons of different options of meals and it is so nice to be able to just pull something out of the freezer and bake it and dinner is ready to go! Well worth the effort for one day (plus it is cost saving since you are buying in bulk!)

11) Get back into piano playing (goal of refreshing at least through 2 more levels)

I recently have picked back up piano playing after a 12 year hiatus. I definitely need to brush up, but it is something that I do enjoy and need to work on it before my hands are full :)

12) Get dogs on track with obedience

Haven't really tried this one, but need to soon

13) Start budgeting in categories what we will actually be allotted to spend after Dash arrives and I stop working

We're working on this one. We will see how we actually do at the end of the month. So far, I think we're doing good!

There's my goals. I've gotten a good start in the past 3 days I think. I am hoping to see numbers continue to drop at a steady rate! It is getting exciting :) There are only a few families in front of us left that I know, then I'm on my own :)

Hoping the Peltz family gets their call soon! I like the #10, but I have to admit that officially being in single digits would be awful nice :)